[Noonaute]

Do you remember the old Nintendo action games? Games like Street Fighters in which you had to pick a character at the beginning, and every character had a different boosted skill. In all these games there is the big bully with a lot of Strenght but less Stamina. Then you have the young wizard who has a lot of skillpoints in Magic, but sucks at Defending. And finally you have the balanced one. He is often the best one to choose, because he is good in a lot of things. He has decent skills in every aspect of his Nintendo-character life.

Well, I feel exactly like him. And it's really unpleasant.

I'm not having an identity problem because I have hard times identifying what I like most or what I'm best at. I just feel like I'm good at a lot of stuff, and I also have plenty interests. I just can't manage to find who I really am in this puzzling mess. I'm a sociable guy with a very large circle of good friends, but I don't have one particular crew that I hang out with all the time. I like clubbing but don't club enough to be identified as the partyer. I am good at sports, but not enough to be known as the athlete guy. I'm great at school but not enough so I can be labelled as the intellectual guy. If anything, I'm known for being a sociable guy who is involed in politics. This is an identity (or innergame) problem I've had deep inside me for a looooong time. And I just don't feel that opening 1000 sets could help in any way here. It's exterior to PU. It may not seem like a problem to you guys, but it is. As I don't feel I'm having a strong personnality, even if I can manage good conversations, I constantly find myself using a friend's funny expressions, imitating this cool guy's demeanour, this actor's body language, etc. Having a chameleon personnality is starting to be heavy on my shoulders and I don't know what to do. I just feel that in the long term, it is not a correct mindset to imitate other people's personnality.

I've done the exercise to write down what I would like to be, what personality traits I would like to have, but it doesn't stick to me in the long term. Should I do this exercise with more persistance? Do you guys ever struggled with a similar problem? Do you have an idea how it can be solved, how I can develop a strong personnality? I feel that if I get this handled, I would make a giant step through actualization.

Again, this is not about PU. It's about becoming a man, which is another piece of the puzzle.

Hope you guys will be able to help me.


-J