Well, as much as I would love to put this into a video I still don't have my camera, which is why I haven't been able to record a video for the YouTube series. I apologize for that. Take the time to read this as I put a lot of time into it and I'm sure you can get a lot out of it Inspired by Steve Pavlina' writings... "The Meaning of Life" by Daniel Becerra
What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of us being here? Does a God exist? And if yes, should we let him choose our destiny? If there is a God, what religion preaches the right thing? Many of these questions have been asked over and over again by many great minds and people who were nuts as well. Wars have been fought over for some of these questions, from Politicians to extremists to even religious people (ironic, isn't it?) have fought and argued for centuries or milleniums so they have the pleasure to say "I'm right".
Truth is, a lot of these questions will never have a right or wrong answer. Calvin Davids asked me once: "Why do you believe you're right and they're wrong?". I simply answered "Because I believe it. That's how I live. That's 'right' in
my eyes". I could spend hours explaining why I believe I'm right but ultimately someone will bring something up to question my explanation. But truth also is that we can learn a lot of these arguments.
I'm going to share with you some stories of my life. I didn't write these events previous to writing this post, I'm just writing them as I remember and the reason why I do that is because I believe that if I'm able to remember them off top of my head, then it must be because they had a significant impact on my life. This could get long, so bear with me.
The Day I started thinking
By
thinking, I mean
really thinking on my own. To think means to question other things that are presented to you as they were facts and that was that. Around the age of 13, I begin to actually think of my own. I begin to question certain things. It was more than curiosity. It was desire to find the truth. Of course I didn't say to myself "I'm going to change the world!" but I constantly asked myself "Why am I going to Church every Sunday at 7 AM", "Why do people fight over religion?", "Why does everyone work for so many hours and don't get enough money?", "Why do I have less money for food than other friends have?". Let's begin with religion since it's one of the topics that causes me to say a few words that mostly everyone always argues with me.
Religion
Let me start by saying that I'm currently an Atheist and if there was a religion I follow, I would call it "Danielism" or "Personal Development Religion". I don't believe in God, Jesus or Virgin Mary. I have lost any type of faith in Church. And I believe the Bible is an interesting read - awesome actually - but I see it more as fiction and/or the beliefs of a series of individuals who were very influential at their time. They were the Tony Robbins or the Ian Smiths of the past, just that - with the exception that I actually believe and follow what the latter have to say. Yet, I respect all religions. I believe that one must respect other people's choices even if you choose not to embrace them. Though, what I find ironic is that some "religious" people don't respect my decision to not be a catholic or a christian. Often I get told "You're going to hell", to which I reply "That's funny, one girl told me that last night"
It started at the age of 13, I'm sure. I had finished my Comunion - a long process just so that you can do the Eucharist - getting the award of "best student" or perhaps "Most dedicated", I don't remember. I was really into it, I actually even visited those religious meetings where people sing, eat and have fun, but by the end of the night they would pray, cry and fall to the floor. I was the only 13 year old in those meetings. It was actually quite astonishing for my age. I began to wonder "Does God have the power to make them faint or are they just faking?". You know, at 13 I didn't really think. I woke up every Sunday at 6 AM to have breakfast, shower and be at Church by 7 AM. I went alone, I didn't ask anyone to drive me or walk me. (Can you tell what a good boy I was?) Well, that was me. I had dorky hair too. Do not ask for a picture.
By now you know two things: I ended up (and still am) an Atheist but I started being a very devoted Catholic. So there was obviously a change. What made the difference then? Growing I guess. By growing I started to think and actually
pay attention to things. See, I had worked very hard to earn the title of "Good religious boy" just so I could "feel good with myself" sitting down on Church on a Sunday Morning. The "growing part" kicked in, causing me to
listen to the words of the so beloved Priest. I won't write about the sayings that caused anger inside me - since that may cause some fury in some readers - but I will say that whatever they said actually backfired on them, in my eyes at least. I begin to question
"Why do you look down on people who don't come to church? Isn't that free choice?"... "Why is this right? Because God says... How do I know what God says?... It's in the Holy Book. Who wrote the Holy Book? The Profets... The Profets? For all I know, I never met them... You should believe son... Why? Because God says so. You never met God!" This is what my conversations with many people sounded like.
Soon, I told my Mom and Dad "I don't believe in God". Their first words were "Are you crazy?". My aunt said the same thing. My neighbor actually said "His mouth will be on fire. God, please forgive him". To date. I've never had my mouth on fire, except on those fantastic make outs and/or when I eat spicy food. Soon, they got over it. My parents really weren't religious, they were just shocked at my sudden change.
But for the first moment in my life, I felt I had a saying and I had gotten away with it.
Going Down-Hill
I used to be handsome, I don't know what happened
. At 13, almost 14 the ladies around my neighborhood began to not only show interest but to basically throw themselves at me. In school too, but I had always been shy in school. The guys always teased me about being not only short but also pure bones (and I was really), so stepping out from little boy to little player was unthinkable for me at the time (at least in school). Therefore, I made no move in school. In other words, I never dated any girl from my school, although they kept showing interest. But outside school? Forget it! At the age of 14 I met a asian looking six teen year old girl who asked my brother to hook us up. Well, we did. I wrote about her
here. Her name is Kelly, she was my first "official" girlfriend. She actually taught me to kiss, lie, sneak in, bite and seduce well. My good looks brought me more girls than just Kelly, it brought me my maid at the time (who I lost my virginity to), it brought her cousin, her best friend and her enemy as well. I either was good looking for my age or the guys around were just too ugly.
Anyway, this was - as childish as it seems - a turning point in my life and I will explain
why. Well, what happens when you start getting girls? You gain... say it... You gain
confidence and when you gain confidence, you gain... say it... you gain
respect and when you gain respect, you gain... say it... you gain
status and when you gain status, you feel like you can soon own the world. But rather than becoming more confident, I became
arrogant.
Did this turn out for the best? Not quite. Perhaps it would have if at the time I wouldn't have been so weak-minded and accept the company of a guy I met who got all the girls but had very little going for him. This guy and I had very few things in common. He was tall, I was short. He was loud, I was quiet. He was popular in school, I wasn't. But the one thing in common we both had was this:
We were both very stupid. It was at this age that I started drinking and partying. I cared less and less about school each day, eventually dropping my grades from "A's" to "F's". I went from top 10 to bottom 10. It was just horrible. My teachers became amused when they saw me go from classes for advanced students to classes for students behind. Everyone was shocked really. Just by looking back at this, I realize how much can change in a matter of weeks.
You would expect thing to become better but they just turned out to become worse.
Well, I was going down from "A's" to "F's", I was drinking, I was partying, I had some girls - none of them who I cared for - what other worse thing can happen? I mean, your life has basically turned upside down. Your true friends don't recognize you anymore, they don't know what has happened to you. Your own mom tells you that you have gone through an unbelievable change and that she's dissapointed. Your father prefers your brother over you. What other worse thing can happen? I tell you what other worse thing can happen.
A group of guys wanting to kill you.