It was just night outside with my "buds". The ones that liked the new me. Those losers. We were just talking on my porch, I remember there was about eight of us. A group of five or so (all males) walk by and one of them is wearing a funny hat. One loud motherf**** of my crew actually says: "Hey asshole, nice hate. You should give it back to your mom!". To this, the guy replied very slowly "I'm going to beat the s*** out of you". We weren't really scared. In fact, we ignored it. But next day, a fight broke out between the guys we had seen the previous night and some of my "friends". I wasn't there. But the message was clear - They wanted to fight. We find out these guys are actually members of a pretty well known gang in the city, I actually tried to stay out of it, but they (gang members) wouldn't let me. As I was walking out of a near-by store, four of them were waiting for me outsie. People watched but no one did a thing. They held me and begin punching me. I did my best to get loose and luckily I did before my eyes became black. I had some pain, but nothing that wouldn't go away with some ice.
Well, just when I thought it couldn't be worse... things became a little scarier. What happens when you go to a party, drink and you're quite good looking and not too shy? Right, you kiss a girl or two. Well, I kissed a girl and this sweetheart happened to be one of the Gang's member's girlfriend. Uh oh ah what? Yes. Run for your life, Daniel. For about a month or so, I had a bunch of gang members up on my ass. Whenever I went out, I would go out backed up by 4-6 guys. They all walked me to places and they all walked me back. This was not a joke, my life was in danger. I couldn't live like this anymore. Low grades, drinking, my life in danger. What has happened to me? Was this the guy who one brighted his house with happiness? My mom cried for me. It's something that I'm not proud of and I wish I could put those tears back, but it was done. It was in that moment that my thinking actually allowed me to make a decision. One that back then didn't look like much, but one that now has put me here - in the position where I am now, with the ambitions and goals that I have now, with the people around me, with the people that follow me.
It was time for a change, but how would I start?
You know that saying "It all happened with an innocent call"? Well, this was the case.
It was late June, 2003 and around this time I was a broken kid wrapped up in shiny papers. In other words, I had a double-life or maybe triple-life. Some people thought I was doing well while others became more dissapointed by the day. The innocent call happened when my Dad recieved a phone call from my aunt (his sister) who was already living in California. Well, phone goes to me as well - I was handed the phone...
Aunt: (After blah blah) Danny! Have you thought about coming to visit us?
Daniel: Sure, that sounds like a good idea. I want to go.
Aunt: Great! Get your Passport, Visa and we shall have you here in no time. We really miss you
Daniel: I miss you as well. (Click)
... and so I was reborn.
It didn't look like much at the time, but next day I had a realization. I realize if I could just go away for a couple of months, then the gangsters will probably forget about me, I would hang out with my cousin who I hadn't seen in so long, I will be in the United States, I will also be forgiven for my bad grades and so on. Yes! This is exactly what I needed. What a great thing to say "yes" was for me. Things happened very fast, before I knew it I already had my Passport and Visa and I left the country on October 31 and landed on LAX on November 1.
Prior to my departure, I tried to make up for my mistakes in the last couple of weeks. I started studying, I didn't party, I didn't drink, I got closer again to my real friends and left those bad friends behind. They didn't care either. When they found out I was leaving to the United States, they condemned me, rather than encouraging me. It was in this moment that I learned to recognize real friendship. These friends (school mostly) threw me a "Good Bye" Party the same night I left the city. They were there, they talked to me, they shared with me things that never had been told. Two girls even confessed that they loved me - it was too late to even kiss, though. They cried, my mom cried but I couldn't cry. To this day, I ask myself why I couldn't cry that night - it's one thing that still bugs me to date. The closest answer is that perhaps in my little mind I had no idea I would stay here but they knew I would. Is it possible that I was that blind? Possibly yes.
This is not what I was thinking
If you never been to another country, go to one. I haven't traveled as much but I certainly been to places and have the chances to appreciate the difference and similarities between
some cultures. You also get to realize that what you think of a country may be far different from it actually is. When I was on my way here, I thought all the women would look like models (I was quite excited about that), but rather than finding that I found a bunch of people that looked like the people in Peru and also dudes who were 6'3, overweight and would use their car instead of walking even if the place they went to was three blocks away. In any case, I was in new territory and I had to get to know it.
Self-Reflections
Only a week here and my aunt had already said "Why don't we go tomorrow to sign you up for school?". Apparently she liked me. Almost in a robotic voice I said "Okay". Within a month I was already in school and without waking up, I was setting myself to stay here for much longer than what I had planned. When the day came to say if I wanted my ticket back, I said "No, I'll stay". And I'm glad I have made that decision, although it wasn't easy to carry out with it.
It wasn't easy not being at home. It wasn't easy at all. Upon that first year here, I made a lot of reflection. I kept thinking about the night I left the city and those crying souls I had to put on my shoulder and why I couldn't cry. I kept thinking about it. I thought about the gangsters and whether or not they were still looking for me, I began to miss the food made by my Mom. I began to miss my house, my little brother, my big brother, my dad, my dog. I became weak as I realized I missed my family so much, I would cry night after night simply because I missed them that much.
I didn't say anything though, I didn't mention a word. I kept it all to myself. I didn't share anything with anyone. When people asked me about it, I pretended it didn't affect me. I guess I was just too proud to admit I was hurting. In any case, this had bad sides effect to it, I became fake-angry. In my ignorant and mediocric attempt to show strength I begin to scream and hit things just so that I wouldn't seem weak. When something reminded me of how lonely I was, I acted arrogantly rather than admitting the truth. This happened for a while until I eventually snapped out of it and began making friends, playing sports and live a better life. I think it started with an observation this guy made, he told me "I know what it feels like. You're in pain, you just don't tell anyone. It's alright, man". I just nodded to this, but it was absolutely true. I think that subconsciously I had gotten the message... "I wasn't alone in my feeling". I did a lot of thinking and took little action. At least, I was thinking I told myself
(As I write this, I think of many great minds who keep telling themselves they have to take action and grow up but never do - it saddens me because it's a waste) but soon a radical change came upon (which will be discussed TOMORROW!)
Anyway, a lot of things have happened since then - from girlfriends, finances and growth - today I stand here having goals to change the world, something that I didn't myself doing a couple of years ago. This goes to show how much difference a couple of years can make. This is why I believe in change and why I write and preach about it every single day, because I lived it - I believe it.
A word for You
I'm not praying that I have gone through hell and back but I have certainly learned a lot of stuff and I consider my saying to have a weight. The other day, I replied to someone's statement - about him warning people that Pick Up was painful - with "You have a lot more growth to do" and the response I got from that person was not good at all. He thought I was diminishing his behavior, but in reality I was showing him there is more to life that what he had in front of him. A person who went through pain, but hasn't learned from it hasn't grown up much.
If you choose to read from me, I don't invite you to take my word from granted, but I certainly invite you to analyze it and compare it to your personal life. This is me, this is my mind and soul put in paper (or on a screen) rather. I once happened to be in my college's bookstore and picked up a journal that had "I don't write because I want to say something. I write because I have something to say" written on the cover. I wanted to pay it, but I didn't have the money. Today, I'm wishing that journal is still available for me to buy. In short, I have decided to inspire others with my writing and preaching, that is my way of changing the world.
TOMORROW YOU WILL READ THE FIRST PART ON THE RULES OF LIFE
