I know its a late response but here goes anyway.
What it seems like it me is you have a lack of passion. something that drives you something that is more important than women. The good news is that you seem to already know what you like and what you are good at so i suggest a simple exercise of setting goals. take all of those things that you are good at and in each set a small goal to reach. I don't suggest you do this all at once, you may overwhelm yourself. Setting a goal will give you a good picture of what you like the most. you will see what you will go through/do/ work at in order to achieve your set goals. if you aren't willing, then perhaps you don't like that certain activity as much as you thought. i suggest you keep doing this until you find something you can really engross yourself in and just lose track of time doing.
Now as for you wanting to be the "x" guy, i suggest you don't try to be a cookie-cutter mold of some stereotype. That would limit your appeal and you would become one of "those guys". Be a leader, not a follower. create your own mold. you see something you think looks cool? wear it. you think belly dancing would be fun? - Do it. in the end you start to filter out what you really like and what is not your cup of tea.
Another thing to keep in mind, is that I don't believe our identity is static. meaning your identity changes. sure you have your core beliefs, but one day you make a discovery that rocks your world. fighting something like this because its "not you" only causes identity confusion and inner conflict. accept that things change, even you. My identity a while back used to be that of a nerdy wuss, who thought all women were "bitches" Now i'm a nerdy man who loves women (though is still have some work to do).
This applies to small things too. you like a certain style of music for x amount of time, then for some reason or another it doesn't appeal to you anymore, Don't stubbornly stick to because "its ME". Go with the flow I say!
for good measure here is one common question I remember about identity.
If money and women weren't an issue (you get laid), what would you spend your day doing?
I don't claim to be an expert or anything, these are just some of the things I have gone through myself and have articulated here.
please feel free to drop me your criticisms.
a final note. Just remember, its ALL you; lead, Don't follow; use your broad tastes to your advantage with people. even if they are not your passion, its good to be eclectic. Do what you like/want (there are certain boundaries of course).
hope this helps a bit. Good luck, bro.