My god do I want to answer this!
When I was 19 I had a girlfriend who was a bit older, and I was insecure at the time that I was not good looking. And this girlfriend actually re-inforced my beliefs that I was ugly by saying stuff like "no woman would ever think you were good looking", and "you have a weird shaped body, no clothes look good on you", "I don't think you are good looking", "you aren't my type looks wise".
Why a woman would date someone she wasn't attracted to, well who knows, all I know is that this destroyed me at the time. I kind of thought my life was over! I was like totally depressed about this, and thought I'd have no chance with the hottest women! In fact I thought I'd have no chance with women at all.
What didn't change in the last 12 months was my looks, I didn't instantly get more good looking, and I certainly didn't grow 6 inches taller.
But... What did change was the results that I started getting in pickup. 10s, models, and all from cold approach. My girlfriend at the moment is the hottest girl I've ever had sex with, and I'm so good that I can pickup the hottest woman in a club (I'm talking about the tall blonde babe all the guys are scared of) in front of a group of guys who are skeptical I can do it, so the highest pressure situation imaginable.
I'm not going to argue this point with you, or try to convince you otherwise, but I will try to explain what is going on.
When you have an insecurity its caused by low self-esteem, and you can tend to perpetuate it. So what I mean is that you create your own reality, so if you think women only care about looks, then I'm certain that you will find enough of them that do just to reinforce what you believe. The other thing is that guys who are insecure are fairly unattractive to women, so its not that being ugly is a problem, its caring about your looks that matters.
Because you don't fully understand social dynamics (you may think you do, but you don't) you are unaware of all the things going on that causes what happened with that woman to happen. Because you don't really understand how subtle the things that cause attraction are, you are blaming it on something that you do understand; looks.
Let me tell you, I pull hot women off guys who are much better looking than me all the time. And I also coach plenty of good looking guys who get approached by women all the time, but do not convert it to sex. So these less good looking guys are standing there being jealous of these other guys seemingly having it easy, but in reality its not true.
From what I read you were not dominant AT ALL. You were focused on the other guy, fixated on how the woman was reacting, getting competitive, and trying too hard. This made you massively unattractive.
Weirdly enough for me, I went out nearly 4-5 years most weekends and never picked up a girl and took her home. In fact rarely ever got approached, or got anywhere. But now, sometimes women nearly jump me. In fact, sometimes they escalate on me, and want to fuck me, and get sexually overt on me. My looks haven't changed, but what has changed is my energy, and attitude, and my skills.
So looks, in my opinion doesn't matter at all. Just thinking that looks matter I think can fuck up your game. In fact any insecurity will fuck up your game. The attitude that the game is 100% in your control is the best attitude to have. Like I think that looks don't matter at all. Maybe my confidence surprises and attracts women doubly because I'm not good looking.
....Matt
DiClassified Trainer  |