Salvaging bad phone game and not closing??

[nocode]

Hey all,

Well I pretty much figured out I think what I did wrong with this girl but I am debating with myself at this point if I can salvage it.

Okay so I meet this girl through a friend at a local bar, I could tell she dug me. Anyway didn't do anything since the person who I know through a friend was trying to hook up with her so I didn't think anything of it, it didn't work out for him though. So I run into her at the same place about a week later and go up to talk and hang with her and her friend for like a hour, have a good time until close, get her number, light kiss and I'm gone.

So I call her 2 days later on a Friday but I leave no message, (this is my first screw up), I was busy all weekend though with a medical seminar I was taking. I don't leave a message because I have a feeling I'll run into her again, (she lives nearby) which I do run into her again at a different place about 2 weeks later. We chat and I arrange to hang out with her later that same night as her and her friend were leaving. She jokes that I never called her, but that if I did she would have seen my number and called me back, I play along and bust on her for it, etc.

Okay so, I meet up with her later on at another bar, we hang out and chill and have a good time as we get along well. Basically to make a long story short we end up at my place and hang out in front (a gorgeous night). We kiss for a long time, and my hands are roaming, we stop, go again etc. Having fun and all but I can't seem to get any further with her and get her inside my house. So she says something to the effect of not tonight, don't get excited etc., to take her home because she needs to get up early, blah, blah. So we kiss more and when I realize I'm not getting her inside, since I try again, I joke she's driving me crazy and I'm taking her home like she wants.

Short drive, we kiss again for like a minute before she goes in and that ends.

Now, besides not closing that night (maybe she had her reason(s) that night), I text her 2 days later, she gets back to me, then I text her again with a comment that now looking back (I was a bit drunk) was pretty damn lame, I should have just called her because she joked that she responded because I left a message.

So here is the deal, it's like 5 days later, a weekend and I have not called her or followed up since that Monday. I know that I pretty much screwed the pooch here unfortunately but I'm not calling her today (since it's Saturday) and I do have plans, but am thinking about giving her a buzz tomorrow on a Sunday, leaving a cute message (if she doesn't pick up) that I have planned out in my head. Now, this is one option, the other is to not call her at all and just let it go, maybe I'll run into her again since we frequent the same places, and then take it from there.

One last thing, if she does pickup or call me back IF I leave her a message, any suggestions on where to go? We always seem to hang out in bars, wondering whether to change it up.

Comments please.... thanks.

[Brian]

Too much thinking and strategizing. Drop the "cute voicemail" stuff.

Keep it simple, and don't over-validate her with unearned effort/interest.

Meet other girls, give her a call when it's convenient for you. Get her to make a small effort in order for the two of you to hang out.

[nocode]

Yeah, I realized I was putting waaay to much though and effort into this, this is probably my main weakness (not just with women) that I am working to overcome. I realize that I have to get the girl(s) to chase me and of course meet other women which I do my best to do, but I knew it the second I was 'trying' to make this work I was on the wrong track and already f'd up.

I guess what threw me off was why I didn't get the close when I had the chance because I thought I did things right, and everything was in place for it to happen... so when it didn't happen I started debating with myself what I did wrong, why etc., and then I wanted her even more.

... it's funny how easily I lost the indifference and unreactiveness that I have been cultivating, chalk it up to another lesson learned. Thanks for your input.

~T

[Treasonous]

Two things. First, watch how you represent yourself. Don't text her saying that you were pretty lame in the past -- it seems to me that you're not in a doghouse, and you're looking for her validation.

Secondly, yeah, you didn't get the close, but that's not a reason to not set up another date. It might've been a wrong moment thing (period, etc), and it's worth another shot if you think you'll get some fun out of her company. It's not always about the lay, but about the journey.

[El Cuchillo]

Originally Posted by Brian

Too much thinking and strategizing. Drop the "cute voicemail" stuff.

Keep it simple, and don't over-validate her with unearned effort/interest.

Meet other girls, give her a call when it's convenient for you. Get her to make a small effort in order for the two of you to hang out.

Brian,

I've found myself in similar situations...I'm getting better, but I feel like if I don't call for a week or two the "vibe" will die, she won't remember, or she will move on.

I know this is a weakness of mine and I'm working on it. Would you be able to provide an example of where you have waited to call and what small effort she made for you two to hang out?

I'd appreciate it.

cuchillo

[Freedom 35]

Hey Brian,

I'm curious about this too, what types of small effort do you have girls make to setup plans with them?