LR: From lay to trauma

[feelfree]

Hello guys. I have quite recently started my quest to become the man that women want. I have become increasingly better at attracting, but now I have a new problem. Two recent encounters with women have had the same dramatic end.

First one was when I was abroad. I was staying at a hostel, and woke up this dutch girl sleeping in the same dorm. I asked her if she wanted to come along to beautiful Island just outside the town where we staid, and she did. So quite alot compliance there. We bought food and headed of to the island. On the island we decided to go to a very beautifull beach, with white sand. We had a good vibe, and she brought up that she had a boyfriend back home, but I didnt let that effect me. On the beach to topic of sex mysteriously came up . espacially outdoors sex. She enjoyed outdoors sex, but never tried it on the beach. I said it was too bad she had a boyfriend, otherwise we could have sex on the beach. [...] But dont worry, if a girl have a boyfriend she has to make the first move. Strong eyecontact at this stage... Btw, it was off-season and the beach was pretty much deserted.

She refused to help me with sun-screen lotion. But a little later I made her poor sand over my back to block the sun . When she lied down, she lied down close to me. I pulled her even closer.
Her: I thought you waited for the girl to make the first move?
Me: I think you did.
her: Good answer... (girls always feel they are obvious)
Started escalating, but she wouldnt kiss. This was before I read the DiCarlo escalation ladder, but for some reason I did the trick where I pull up her shirt and myself being bare-chested from the start, we ended up with naked abdominen pressing against each other and that got her wild. Start fingering from behind inside her pants (had read about that one) and she reached climax. I think she came, then she sat up with her head in her hands, close to tears. She throw me out of my frame, I felt sorry for her, and I didnt try to seduce her anymore. Instead helped her some with her boyfriend issues,,, she was going to travel for 3 months more alone... for the rest of the trip she still followed my lead, and we had bodycontact such as her head on my shoulder, but she didnt know what to think of me and once we returned to the hostel she pretty much avoided me. I think she was in a confused state and having seen her negative reaction, I didnt want to try seduce her again.

Next one is even worse, and the one I would need help with. It is the girl from the "Fr: Hot internetgirl turned cold"-report. You dont have to read that report since alot have changed. I layed her two days ago, but the aftermath was nasty.

After maybe one week of msn-talk she gave me her number. I called her the day after. She loved my voice etc.. I had screened her alot before, and rewarded. She just kept on qualifying to me all the time, I tried to reduce that with disqualifying myself at times,but she kept on doing it. Once you try me, you will never want to try anyone else, etc etc. The topic of sex was brought up by her pretty often. She was very cocky, wich I liked, but I also realised she had a bad self-asteem (spelling?). So I chenged the interaction towards opening up to each other, by being more warm and stop the C&F stuff myself, and rewarding her when she put the guard down. She trusted me that she was very nervous to meet me, and that she had only been with one man before. She was a hot (8-9) 26-year-old, so not what could be expected from her, she thought I had got her all wrong, and that she was worried about me only being interested about her in a sexual way (bad credability I guess)... She was also nervous about feeling so strongly for someone she had never met. She did send me text-messages asking if she could call me, to hear my voice, and things like that. So at this point I wasnt thinking anything about being attractive, compliance or anything like that and only about calming her down in order to come and see me. I was assertive and she gave in, and went to my place this friday. I had said we would just lay down in my sofa and talk.

She was really hot and really nervous. She went straight for the hug I had promised her, and held me hard. Then she sat down on my bed. We ended up in a hug laying down. She then rolled away and tried to get the interaction elsewhere... asking me about my job and other stuff we had talked about,,, basically returning to old anchors. She even got up out of my bed talking about stuff in my apartment, said my balcony was smaller then hers, and I said size didnt matter, disqualifying myself. She returned to my bed and said size dint really matter. I reached for her neck, and she moaned and said she wanted a massage. I complied, coz I wasnt really worried about not being attractive in her eyes.. As soon as I touched her she started moaning, and twisting under me. Alot. She moaned high, and even lifted her ass, even though I was massaging her neck... Turned her around and started kissing. Climbed Vins escalation ramp, but wasnt even half-way through before she practically raped me. Slipped my hand inside her pants and onto her naked ass. She removed my hand and I thought: LMR. But it was just so that she could remove her pants... I put my hand where she wanted it, and she was out of control. Soon she motioned for me to go inside her panties,,, and as heat turned on she asked me to fuck her. I was still fully dressed, but complied...

Now, as she was on-top of me she came (I´m retty sure) and then collapsed on me. But then rolled away, sat up on the side of my bed started to cry. I went from being the king to feeling very bad in a sec. I was completly in her frame now... we dressed quickly, and she gave me a hard hug but in the same time blaming me, knowing she was vulnerable. And she left. Then soon afterwards texting me. She was sorry she had just left like that, but she wanted it to be special because she hadnt been with anyone for so long, not like we did it... She felt cheap. She ended the text with a bit of finality: take care.

I responded she wouldnt be so hard on me or herself, and that I call her the next day. Also said I liked her and she should not consider this the end because she had been hurt previously... She would not pick up the phone when I called, or respond to messages. But now, two days later I have got her to agrre to come talk on msn later tonight. Any ideas on what to do and say are welcome.

My first priority is to make her feel better about the sex, the second, less important issue is to make her feel better about me. She thinks I took advantage of her when she was weak. She dont know that this was my first lay in a year, so in that sense it is quite unfair. Espacially since she was practically raping me in the end, asking me to fuck her. But from her point of view she feels like she is just one among many. I will have to make her realise she isnt, without loosing credability. I will also need to make her feel better about herself, and not so cheap. Was planning on doing that after sex, and looking forward to the time together, but totally lost controle of the frame when she started to cry.

I think I should have reframed it, to a frame where she had value, instead of buying her frame, but I wasnt strong enough and pretty much caught off-guard. I also think I should do anti-LMR stuff even though there is no LMR so they cant blame me afterwards. I think I probably had the same problem with both these girls. Went under their radar, escalated fast, and then they felt like sluts. Any Ideas on turning things around once this has happened, and more importantly, have to prevent it in future?

My goal is afterall not to lay as many girls as fast as possible, but rather to be special to them. Having them feel like sluts take the fun out of the game and make me feel bad aswell. Thanks,

Feelfree

[FreeVerse]

From that, it sounds like they're not comfortable with their sexuality. No matter what you do, or how fast you do it, if she isn't comfortable with sex, then stuff like that is going to happen... she's REALLY not goint to be comfortable having sex if she thinks she's cheating on her boyfriend or that you might loose respect for her after.

About them crying, don't think to much about it afterwards. They're emotional creatures who are always thinking "in the moment." Also, women are not as emotional in the inside as they are on the outside. It just appears that way because they are more expressive. Just guide her through it. Hold her in your arms like you're protecting her.Tell her you're with her, and you got her

oh yeah, it's spelled "self-esteem"

[feelfree]

Oh, thanks. Well, she left my place after sex. I was abit chocked, and didnt stop her. I think I should. Make her feel comfortable... Now I'm sending encouraging texts and she talked with me briefly on msn,,, she thinks I let her down and took advantage of her, "you knew what you wanted and you knew how to get it". I couldnt tell her she was my first lay in a year, or it would be incongruent with her conceptions of me. She thinks I'm a player...

I will send positive texts and try to comply some more with responding. Back-up plan is to let her know it felt bad for me hurting her feelings and so on, but I think its better to find positive emotions?

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by feelfree

Oh, thanks. Well, she left my place after sex. I was abit chocked, and didnt stop her. I think I should. Make her feel comfortable... Now I'm sending encouraging texts and she talked with me briefly on msn,,, she thinks I let her down and took advantage of her, "you knew what you wanted and you knew how to get it". I couldnt tell her she was my first lay in a year, or it would be incongruent with her conceptions of me. She thinks I'm a player...

I will send positive texts and try to comply some more with responding. Back-up plan is to let her know it felt bad for me hurting her feelings and so on, but I think its better to find positive emotions?

Ah ha! I got the situation now... or at least I'm pretty sure. O.K. She meets this guy on the net. She finds him interesting. The more she hear about him, the more the attraction she gets. They meet up, and they have sex... to her, you're a guy who she just met for sex. She might have wanted or expected more than sex... maybe she wanted to know you more before you guys had sex... and not someone she only wanted to sleep with.

if that's the case which I'm pretty damn sure it is... it's best that you break out of that label or someone she met for sex only... Find a similarity that both you guys can participate in and enjoy that's other than sex.

Here's a study you might find interesting. Women have this chemical in them called the Oxytocin. I think men have it to. Women have it more. Oxytocins love intimacy. Meaning, they can't just sleep around and fuck everybody and not feel connected. It may be, that she wanted to connect with you for reasons other than sex, cause after all, you did attract her.

Hope that helps man.

[feelfree]

Ah, it is a little different

She wanted more than sex and didnt expect sex to happen the first meet (me either). She had been quite sexual before when we talked but just before we met she expressed her concerns that I had gotten her wrong and only wanted her for sex. She herself, was interested in something serious. She had only had sex with one man before, in a 8 year relationship. She said that se had been hurt before, and was afraid I would hurt her. She was very nervous that she felt so strongly for me, even though she had not met me. After I seduced her she got chocked more or less "I not like that. I dont have sex first night". She cant understand what happened and she is depressed now. She has mentioned a trublesome past.

Send her a short text yesterday and she called me. We talked for five minutes, she was quiet and low. Tried to be positive and leading. Towards the end she said that we should forget about it all. I said that it was a bad idea, and said she should take it easy and call me before the weekend. She promised she would.

So, she is expecting to get hurt by men in general and by me specificly. As soon as she found a reason to be hurt, she shut me out. And as soon as she shut me out it was like her expectations come true, and I didnt find a way to break that. Now I'm trying to open the negative loop she is in. She had alot of attraction towards me, but now also a very negative emotion attached to me. I'm trying to rid that negative emotion without loosing attraction (not promising her to much, but enough to trust me again). Only partly succesfull so far... advice?

[FreeVerse]

Sounds like something that she has to do to help herself.

[feelfree]

I agree kinda,,,, but she has evoken my emphatic side. And I think I could have done things a bit better, looking back. I took the lead and she trusted me so I'm I feel a little guilty,,, but it is not like she says; that I betrayed her.