LR: The < 20 Minute Close

[Orleans]

So I've been talking about this one a lot and it's going to come out on video in a little less than a month but I figured I'd write it down for you guys to read about.

So it was my last night in Edmonton and Fresno Smooth wanted to take me out for a little going away kind of bar hop. Me being me, of course i was down for this!

So we hit a couple cowboy bars and this of course drives me insane, because I hate country music. But regardless me and Fresno hit the dance floor to light it up like we always do.

Within a couple minutes I have a girl dancing with us and her friend quickly ditches the guy she was grinding with to come dance with us. We do a quick extraction from the dance floor to talk and hang out. Eventually we're like fuck this joint lets go. So we've known these girls for about 20 minutes and they come with us to this bar across the city.

We get there and settle in with some drinks (paid for by the girls of course) and hang out. The original plan was to pull both girls as a 2-set should be run but Fresno is losing his target to some guy at the bar.

I'm thinking to myself fuck we either gotta fix this set or I need to find something else.

The bar is closing up so we pull both girls (via some sweet talking done on my girl) downstairs and start thinking about logistics for a pull. While we're doing this a little blonde saunters on up to me and pulls herself in real close.

HBLilBlonde: You're hot.
Orleans: Yeah I know.
HBLilBlonde: Will you make out with me?
Orleans: You know... I'm not really the makeout in the bar kind of guy.
HBLilBlonde: Oh?
Orleans: Naw, I'm more the guy who takes you around behind the bar and fucks you.
HBLilBlonde: Oh!

So we make some small talk for a couple minutes and then she takes a drag off her smoke. (Note: It's illegal to smoke in bars in Alberta... and I had no idea she had a smoke in her hand. To me she just pulled it out of thin air like some kind of magic. Really amusing.) And then she tosses on the floor all stylish like, stomps it out and says to me:

HBLilBlonde: Lets go.

So I mouth to Fresno "Back in 10" and me and the blonde are off. It's raining out and I'm wearing my new suit jacket so I'm like fuck. But regardless I'm going to pull this off. I pull her into an alley and we run around to behind the bar and I slam her up against the wall and begin the Escalation Ramp. Within 5 minutes I'm railing her and she's screaming with pleasure (yeah I'm that good).

Meanwhile some dude walks down the alley... takes a double take and comes back and is like:

RandomBroDude: Yooooo yeahhhhh hit that playa!!!! Keep it up! No no don't mind me hahahaha yeah playa!

And my girl starts freakin' out.

HBLilBlonde: I can't do this while your friends are around!
Orleans: He's not my friend.
HBLilBlonde: I don't care lets go.

So we go and she wants to bring me back to her apartment. I'm fine with this. But wait! I just used my only condom on me!

Orleans: You got condoms back at your place?
HBLilBlonde: No but we can go get some.

So we're off and we pull into a Shoppers Drug Mart (think 24 hour Walgreens). And I pull into a handicapped spot up front. Beside me pulls in a cop car. I reverse out and pull into a legal parking spot. If the cop would have grilled me I would have been fucked. Luckily he leaves me and my girl alone.

We roll inside to the Shoppers and are walking down the condom isle and my girl is figuring out which kind she wants. And then she decides she wants lube too so she grabs a bottle of that.

We're up at the cashier and there's two guys working. They look at my girl (who is paying for the condoms and lube), look at the condoms and lube, look at me and smile. Almost tandem. I feel like the fucking man.

All of a sudden the cashier asks if my girl has a Shoppers Optimum card (I'm shaking my head writing this) and she bursts out "YES! I DO!" and starts rummaging through her purse. She pulls it out and she looks so proud of herself and I'm just like wow this girl is so cute.

HBLilBlonde: WAIT! How many points do I have!? I can pay for this with my points I know I can!
Cashier: No you can't...
HBLilBlonde: YES I CAN! I KNOW I HAVE ENOUGH!
Cashier: It's too late, we don't redeem after 10PM!
HBLilBlonde: FUCK! Fine!

The whole time I was laughing my ass off.

So we get back to her place, start the dirty and I feel like a little experiment.

Orleans: I'm gonna fuck you in the ass.
HBLilBlonde: Ok.

Whoa I can't believe that actually worked.

So I pull out the lube, get prepped and then in a fit of anxiousness and excitement I slide in hard into her ass. She screams in pain and jumps off. I'm like shit wtf what I doing.

Orleans: Babe you ok?

What. Don't look at me like that... What else was I supposed to say? Stop looking at me like that.

Anyways, we get back to the regular sex, which is still lots of fun. She's screaming like crazy and I'm like you're gonna wake your neighbours up but she doesn't give a shit.

I finish up. Lay there. Get horny again. More sex ensues. I decide to try a little experiment.

Orleans: I'm gonna fuck you in the ass again.
HBLilBlonde: Ok... but go easy this time!

So I oblige and booyah, brown belt earned. We fool around an fuck for a couple more hours and then I tell her I have to leave to catch my flight. This upsets her and she informs me that she really likes me and of COURSE she's leaving. I also find out her name, and that she's 28 (which makes her 8 years older than me) and get her number.

We still stay in touch, she wants to fly out to Ottawa to come visit me I think. Really sweet girl and the only reason why I'm writing this on a public forum is because I doubt we'll ever see each other again.

There was very little “verbal game” involved but this is still a valuable lesson. I could have been chode #4 who she made out with that night when she asked me but I refused to be put into such a loser role. I’m not saying that this is something that could turn into consistently quick lays but making out in the bar is tacky and I wasn’t going to be “that guy”. Push your boundaries, you never know what might happen.

[Endless]

Killer LR man!

[the_dicknotist]

That LR's sweet. I'm gonna try that next time: "I'm gonna fuck you in the ass!"

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by the_dicknotist

That LR's sweet. I'm gonna try that next time: "I'm gonna fuck you in the ass!"

Yeah what Dicknotist said, that was sweet LR

[Pastiche]

Dammit. You're 20? You motherfucker.

Good shit homes. Kept it brief and made it so simple.

[Redux]

I'm 20 too and that's one of the reasons I enjoy more older women, they usually know what they want and fuck better. Nice LR.

[maverick]

I am sorry but am new here, can anyone tell me what an LR is? Can you also please list some other abbreviations you use here often. Cheers

[Dante Delacoix]

LR: Lay Report
Fr: Field Report
Or: Outgoing Report

[Pastiche]

Okay while we're on the subject of "seemingly obvious" questions... do BJs and handjobs count as LRs?

I've noticed on other forums guys posting BJs as LRs. Didn't make sense to me.