FR: "Another Day, Another Day2"

[Smallville]

Hey guys,

This is the second half of a cross-post from the forum for the San Francisco Lair. Enjoy.


"Another Day, Another Day2"

I've been pretty busy this first week of school, and I haven't really been able to go out and run sets. That'll come, I'm just getting my shit in order at the moment so that my year will run smoothly. But a guy's still gotta eat, and I've been getting my lunch at this burger joint in Harvard Square called B.Good. I went there for lunch yesterday and the day before - and both times, I walked out with a full belly and a Day2.

Two days ago:

I was about to plunk myself down at the counter by the window when I noticed a cute girl – dirty blonde hair, fair skin with a light dusting of freckles, very blue eyes – sit down by herself at a nearby table. I hesitated for maybe five seconds (dammit, Three-Second Rule broken), then I walked over and asked, "Hey, are you eating by yourself?" ("Yes.") "How about we eat together?" (Brief look of surprise, then "Sure.") I sit and start to chat with her. "This is great - I meant to bring this book to read for school, but I totally forgot it," etc, and we're off and running.

The interaction flows very naturally. We talk about our friends, our interests, my school and her job, nutty things that happened to us today, our goals and personal philosophies, etc. I throw in little spikes of wit and playfulness, so we maintain a fun, irreverent vibe and don't take ourselves too seriously even when we're talking about fairly heavy stuff. At the same time, we do end up sharing some pretty personal details about our backgrounds and the way we view the world, and we both feel a connection emerging between us. She's witty and very smart – she holds up her end of the conversation and banters well with me. We end up talking for about two hours. We're meeting up next week to grab a drink and take in some live blues music.

That approach didn't involve a lot of game or techniques for me to break down. I walked up to her with confidence and decisiveness, and I was smiling on the approach. I leaned back in my seat for the most part and kept my personal vibe relaxed and nonchalant, but I would also lean forward a bit when I wanted to emphasize a point I was making or communicate that I found something she'd said particularly interesting. This was a daytime interaction that I'd initiated pretty directly, so I didn't bother with too much "indifferent" body language. I was attracting her with my self-assuredness on the cold approach, my relaxed confidence throughout the interaction, and my engaging conversation. I kept it playful, but at the same time I was willing to show her glimpses of who I really am on the inside, which encouraged her to reciprocate and invest in a deeper connection with me.

Yesterday:

I'm back at B.Good, this time to meet with a fellow student with whom I'm working on a paper for a professor. We have our meal and discuss our project, and then we leave. I say goodbye and tell her I'm walking in the opposite direction from her. After she's a few feet away, I spin around and walk right back into B.Good. While I was having my meal, I'd noticed a very cute girl sitting at the window counter - tall and slender but with curves, dirty blonde hair and fair, creamy skin (again!), and a long, elegant neck like Audrey Hepburn's. I come through the door, walk right up to her, and go direct. I also add a time constraint - "I have to run in a second, but I'm going to take a gamble that you're cute AND friendly. We should get coffee." (that "cute/friendly" thing is a variation on a Pickup 101 line, I think) I'm about to just grab her number and be out the door, but she grins her face off and asks me to sit down. Jeez, if you insist. We chat for maybe twenty minutes before I let her know I have to take off. We're going to take a tango lesson together next week. Yeah, boy.

The biggest thing about this interaction for me: I'd woken up that morning to find a big, unsightly whitehead on the skin between my lower lip and my chin. I don't break out that often and have pretty clear skin, but when I get a single, massive zit, I can be pretty self-conscious about it. And yet, a) I opened that set without hesitation anyway, and b) the set hooked so hard it almost yanked the reel out of my hands. The zit didn't make a damn bit of difference. It really is all in your head.

Lessons learned:

-Direct is the shit. I really haven't done a lot of it before, and now I can see what Marina Hunter and others mean when they talk about the almost drug-like addiction of it, the feeling of power. I opened these girls so casually and easily - no real strategy, just walking up before I had time to over-think. And bam, they opened like lotus blossoms. It made me feel happy, almost smug. Not smug regarding the girls, who were both sweet, genuine people, but just smirking a little at how easy it was to approach and how silly it was that I'd ever thought it was hard. After leaving B.Good that second day and walking to the subway, I was looking around Harvard Square at the girls walking by and just thinking, "I could open YOU, I could open YOU, I could open YOU, I could open all y'all." It felt great.

-Time constraints are legit even for daytime direct sets. Just like at night, they convey non-neediness and reassure her that you're not going to hang around longer than she wants you to and bug her. These are helpful elements even when you're directly expressing interest, maybe even more so than usual. In fact, as soon as I threw my TC out there, she suggested I sit down ("ok, just for a minute...").

-Getting a big ugly zit doesn't matter. What matters is whether it shakes your confidence.

-Hot girls eat at B.Good.

Hope it's sunny and strange out in SF, lads. Miss you guys.

Cheers,
Clark