Strange inner game issue

[flow]

Hi

I've spent the last 6 months working on some inner game issues that has been holding me back in every aspect of my life.

I think I have managed them all by now. The last issue was fear of success and I cleared that out a week ago as soon as I had identified it as the cause of some problems. And now I'm supposed to move forward since nothing is holding me back.

But I don't. Or maybe I do, without noticing, because things seems to just work for me. I'm like a living Buddha, I talk to people, touch them, listen to them, and whenever I do, I tear away their illusions, and they become happier and finds the path they've been looking for. These people sincerely thank me for changing their life. I've never reached this level before.

At the same time I feel like I'm just an empty shell without purpose. A void, a nothing. I feel the sadness you feel when you have lost something you had for a long time.

Maybe I'm just hungry

Or maybe I must do what I told a friend he had to do, go create an artwork that would satisfy my soul.

Anyway, I would really like to hear from someone who can relate to this and has experienced something similar, because this is a new feeling for me.

Your friend

Flow

[FreeVerse]

Well, it seems like you haven't found your "purpose." You can do all this stuff like help others but if it's not aligned with a true purpose. Then you wont be satisfied.

Also, there's potential. Having a purpose can fuel your potential. If you're not living up to your potential, then, that lonely feeling will come up at night when your laying on your bed, in your head thinking about life.

No purpose = that empty feeling.

Something I noticed is before I started thinking about my true purpose, I went through a time of emptiness and frustration. This was during the time I was going away from what my ego wants. Then I started going and thinking about what's true. I thought about my True Desires and aligned my life with it. Now I feel fulfilled.

Have you read The Way of the Superior Man?

[flow]

Thank you

The relation between purpose and potential is something I haven't really thought about before.

If I had a purpose bigger than my potential and decided to increase my potential to fulfill my purpose, which is basically what happened. Then I might end up in a situation where I have increased my potential so much that my previous purpose becomes to small. And that is how I feel, its not entirely lacking but its way to small and leaves a huge void.

It cannot be the whole story though. Because as some of you might remember from another of my posts, I've been building an ego that has become a problem and part of my inner game journey the lasts month has been about fixing that. I think I did, the bad ego left without me noticing. From previous experience I expected a feeling of huge joy when this happened. Instead I felt a slight sorrow as if I lost a dear friend. Maybe its not entirely gone yet, but still lingering around and slowly dissipating.

Writing this I decided I needed to meditate so I did. Curiously I couldn't do it facing the direction that usually works best for me, which is towards the north sector in my home. It represents the path/the road/the future and my primary element flowing water. So I turned around facing the south sector and instantly felt a great peace. The south sector represents enlightenment and also my secondary element which is fire.

I couldn't meditate long enough, because I got disrupted. But as I write this, facing the north sector, I can feel the power and the burning fire from behind me, and from within me. And I know I just have to be content and be still and be me.

I can feel there is a strong river of flowing water carrying me forward and I'm like a huge burning fire in a small wooden boat. I need to be still because otherwise I might set the boat on fire or I might make the boat turn over or get caught in a maelstrom.

I think my purpose is to just Be, at least for the moment, and the world will carry me to my destination. If I want to control the destination I'm moving towards, I need to change the flow of the river, not steer the boat.

I think I'll flow with the river for a while, without changing it. Its heading in a direction I've created myself, most likely I want to go there.

Have you read The Way of the Superior Man?

No, its one of those books that seems to be mentioned a lot whenever I discuss inner game things. Can you tell me how its related to this?

/Flow

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by flow

Thank you

The relation between purpose and potential is something I haven't really thought about before.

If I had a purpose bigger than my potential and decided to increase my potential to fulfill my purpose, which is basically what happened. Then I might end up in a situation where I have increased my potential so much that my previous purpose becomes to small. And that is how I feel, its not entirely lacking but its way to small and leaves a huge void.

It cannot be the whole story though. Because as some of you might remember from another of my posts, I've been building an ego that has become a problem and part of my inner game journey the lasts month has been about fixing that. I think I did, the bad ego left without me noticing. From previous experience I expected a feeling of huge joy when this happened. Instead I felt a slight sorrow as if I lost a dear friend. Maybe its not entirely gone yet, but still lingering around and slowly dissipating.

Writing this I decided I needed to meditate so I did. Curiously I couldn't do it facing the direction that usually works best for me, which is towards the north sector in my home. It represents the path/the road/the future and my primary element flowing water. So I turned around facing the south sector and instantly felt a great peace. The south sector represents enlightenment and also my secondary element which is fire.

I couldn't meditate long enough, because I got disrupted. But as I write this, facing the north sector, I can feel the power and the burning fire from behind me, and from within me. And I know I just have to be content and be still and be me.

I can feel there is a strong river of flowing water carrying me forward and I'm like a huge burning fire in a small wooden boat. I need to be still because otherwise I might set the boat on fire or I might make the boat turn over or get caught in a maelstrom.

I think my purpose is to just Be, at least for the moment, and the world will carry me to my destination. If I want to control the destination I'm moving towards, I need to change the flow of the river, not steer the boat.

I think I'll flow with the river for a while, without changing it. Its heading in a direction I've created myself, most likely I want to go there.

With potential, I think it's wise to do an inventory of yourself, a realistic one of course of all you strengths, and look back on that inventory and see if you're living up to it. On another note, I think it's good to write down your weaknesses as well, your limitations...SO YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK WITH THEM... and possibly turn those things into Positives.

I think with some of the egotistical desires that media conditions us to "want" can really leave you feeling cold at the end of the day. That's why I always ask myself "Is this what I want... truthfully?"

Originally Posted by flow

No, its one of those books that seems to be mentioned a lot whenever I discuss inner game things. Can you tell me how its related to this?

/Flow

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is really like a reference book on the topics of Women, Work and Sexual Desire as it says in it's front cover.

It's relates to this because he talks about your Main Purpose and aligning yourself with it. He talks about how not having a purpose gives you that empty feeling in side, it makes work seem just like a job, it makes life seem like routines we do everyday, it makes life seem meaningless.

However having a purpose, that job can be a way to fund that purpose, those things you do everyday are of importance because it's to aid your purpose, you have purpose in life and you feel fulfilled, and so on.

[flow]

Originally Posted by FreeVerse

With potential, I think it's wise to do an inventory of yourself, a realistic one of course of all you strengths, and look back on that inventory and see if you're living up to it. On another note, I think it's good to write down your weaknesses as well, your limitations...SO YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK WITH THEM... and possibly turn those things into Positives.

Had to think about this. I have new strengths now, that used to be weaknesses and my old strengths has become more powerful. I'm still in the process of learning what potential I have based on this. No I'm not living up to it, yet. But I will soon.

Originally Posted by FreeVerse

I think with some of the egotistical desires that media conditions us to "want" can really leave you feeling cold at the end of the day. That's why I always ask myself "Is this what I want... truthfully?"

Good question, I ask myself that question several times a week. But maybe I should question more things? Is this the way I want to spend my time... truthfully? Could be a question with some relevance to my current situation.

Originally Posted by FreeVerse

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is really like a reference book on the topics of Women, Work and Sexual Desire as it says in it's front cover.

It's relates to this because he talks about your Main Purpose and aligning yourself with it. He talks about how not having a purpose gives you that empty feeling in side, it makes work seem just like a job, it makes life seem like routines we do everyday, it makes life seem meaningless.

However having a purpose, that job can be a way to fund that purpose, those things you do everyday are of importance because it's to aid your purpose, you have purpose in life and you feel fulfilled, and so on.

OK, I got to read that book some day. Thought I had this covered, but I just realized my Main Purpose is bigger than I thought. I had mistaken it to be smaller because I didn't include all aspects of my life in it. I thought I had, but its not true. This also has the consequence that not all aspects of my life are aligned with my Main Purpose.

I cannot describe my main purpose other than that I can see a clear path which I know its my purpose to walk.

- My work is clearly aligned with this path.
- My identity is clearly aligned with this path.
- My mind is clearly aligned with this path.
- My living conditions are clearly aligned with this path.
- My relationships with other people are getting more and more aligned every day. A lot of my focus goes to this.
- The environment surrounding me are not entirely aligned, but the problems are identified and actions to bring it in alignment are ongoing, they just take a long time.

Two things are not in alignment with my main purpose:
- The way I spend my time has become more in alignment, but still at least 50% of my time is wasted on the wrong things. I don't focus enough on this, despite a huge amount of focus on this for the last couple of years. It used to be 99% on the wrong things, its progressing.

- My sexlife is not in alignment because I have treated it as a separate issue. Stupid of me. I've had a growing feeling that I need to get this aligned since I started to hang in the community, but I didn't know in which direction I needed to redirect it. I know that now and I think I know how to do it. It will take a while but I found some stuff by David Shade that is precisely what I need as a toolbox for the first step.

My intuition tells me there is another part of my life that is not in alignment, but I cannot see what it is. Will have to investigate this, unless it becomes obvious while I start to focus on the other misaligned things more.

Possible candidates are:
- My social life. Do I meet the right new people? Do I spend time with the right people?
- My cash flow, less likely since its more a consequence of other aspects of my life. Maybe I could charge higher prices? Hm...
- Physical activity. I could do more exercise. Iaido, Indoor Climbing and Long Walks are on my list of things I don't spend time on, but should.
- Meditation. I could do more meditation.

None of these feels like its a cause, they're consequences.

Tips appreciated

Need to think about this more...

But first I'll clear my mind with a Tarantino film.

/Flow

[Brian]

You're stuck in the new age game of trying to be a perfect human being.

Eat, exercise, foster important relationships, enjoy women, have a beer.

[flow]

Originally Posted by Brian

You're stuck in the new age game of trying to be a perfect human being.

Eat, exercise, foster important relationships, enjoy women, have a beer.

Perfect!

I just need to add 2 things to the list, otherwise its not me. Create stuff and learn new things.

[El Cuchillo]

Originally Posted by flow

At the same time I feel like I'm just an empty shell without purpose. A void, a nothing. I feel the sadness you feel when you have lost something you had for a long time.

Maybe I'm just hungry

This is the voice of ego. We both know the ego fears its destruction which comes with presence of mind and living in the now. it is fighting back due to recent changes you've made. thus you identify the the physical and material which are illusory.


You're seeking externally for something "to do" or "to fix" when the exact opposite is needed.

go inward. be still. listen. watch your thoughts. be in the present and let your spirit speak to you.

[flow]

Originally Posted by El Cuchillo

This is the voice of ego. We both know the ego fears its destruction which comes with presence of mind and living in the now. it is fighting back due to recent changes you've made. thus you identify the the physical and material which are illusory.


You're seeking externally for something "to do" or "to fix" when the exact opposite is needed.

go inward. be still. listen. watch your thoughts. be in the present and let your spirit speak to you.

I figured this out myself and is past the experience. And now thanks to you I feel reassured that I handled it the right way and it will not come back and haunt me.

Brians way of simplifying life goals was also helpful once I was past the experienced and needed to pick up steam.

And I wont forget how FreeVerse guided me in the right direction when I was the most confused.

Sincerely thanks to you all.

Love

/Flow

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by Brian

You're stuck in the new age game of trying to be a perfect human being.

Eat, exercise, foster important relationships, enjoy women, have a beer.

Seems like people now a days are doing these new age things because it seems like a trend. There's nothing wrong w/ that, though it becomes watered down. Some of the info is still good though.

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by flow

I figured this out myself and is past the experience. And now thanks to you I feel reassured that I handled it the right way and it will not come back and haunt me.

Brians way of simplifying life goals was also helpful once I was past the experienced and needed to pick up steam.

And I wont forget how FreeVerse guided me in the right direction when I was the most confused.

Sincerely thanks to you all.

Love

/Flow

You're welcome bro.