The Leader

[Brian]

The leader is the one who sees objective reality most accurately, and acts on what he sees.

Do this by dropping preconceived notions and stop looking to others for guidance. Trust your first instinct and speak from your gut.

Eventually, people will see that you ping truth, while they ping others, and they will trust you.

[FreeVerse]

My interpretaion of what you wrote

is to see the world as it really is, then you can act if you'd like to change it or adapt it or whatever action you feel compelled to do.

dropping preconcieved notions helps you be in the moment and when looking for others for guidance can be... the same as... seeing where you can bring them. Your gut knows what you want.. and when others see that you know what you want and go for it, you become more credible and they aren't afraid to follow your lead, they feel compelled to follow in action.

You got a lot of topics in that short post and can go anywhere with it.

Good stuff man.

[flow]

I spent lots of time last autumn developing my inner game and exploring behaviors I thought useful. The last month I've been more out in the real world observing with the intention to make decisions and act.

And I've noticed that I'm much more in control and that I'm the one leading ALL interactions. And its because I do what Brian and Freeverse says here.

However it takes knowledge to be able to do it. A year ago I really couldn't do it because it didn't matter how much I observed, I just couldn't see some things. Now I see so much more and its because I did drop a lot of stupid preconceptions about the world and people in it. And I also know much more about how to interpret the very tiny pieces of information that people send out. I'm not super skilled yet but suddenly I feel like I have vision.

[Pickup Professor]

I am much earlier in my training & development than any of you guys. More specifically, I am in the early stages of reforming my inner game. I am noticing that each time I go out I am slowly removing my preconceived notions and "bad programming" that I have learned throughout my life.

As I develop my skills, I am trying to figure out how to measure my progress. In other words, how are my leadership skills improving with women? Simple variables like # number closes, # dates, and/or # closes every month are indirectly related to the qualities of a good leader in the PU game.

Throughout my professional career, I find measuring my success every week is critical to my continued growth. Brian's post is VERY important in that women, on average, are attracted to strong leaders and will positively respond to men who emanate leadership qualities. But how do we measure these qualities? If I can figure this out, I can improve my game more quickly by giving myself very specific objectives that I can attempt to achieve. However, # number closes every week, for example, does not seem appropriate. Right now, all I can do is continue going out and apply what I have learned in the bootcamp to meeting women. But that objective is a little broad/too unspecific for me.

Any ideas?

[Brian]

The measure is in how you feel about your actions, your decisions. The gauge is the degree to which you are following your own path, in every moment. You know when you are being true to your self, because you can feel it. Or maybe there's a quiet voice deep in your mind that sometimes gets drowned out. You have to follow your own path, and trust that everything will work out. You must let go of "doing it right."

[flow]

The measure I use is how genuinely happy people I interact with seems to be by just spending time in my company.

And there ar two useful ways to count this.

1. The quality and intensity of their happiness.

2. And the percentage of people reacting positively to me of all the people I interact with during a day.

Its important to know that this happiness shouldn't be dependent on any ongoing "transactions". If they are happy when I give them something but not when I ask something of them then its not working. They should be equally happy when I ask things of them (or more happy). Just interacting with me should make them happy. Then I count.

[Pickup Professor]

Brian - your feedback is well taken. Some friends of mine who are very successful with women have said something similar. That is, they tell me to simply "let go" and allow interaction to take place without thinking about it. Being a very cerebral and introspective person, "letting go" is extremely difficult for me. Thanks to your help in bootcamp and my subsequent outings with Yeayea and other PUAs, I am slowly reprogramming myself.

Flow - wonderful suggestions! You just gave me some tangible variables to work with! I can easily assess whether people around me are happier when I am present. In fact, they are - far more than my pre-bootcamp days. My greatest challenge is my propensity to be too serious and inability to relax. Consequently, I have continuously attract women intially, but they lose interest in me very quickly because I fail to thread the conversations well and lead the conversation to more pleasurable topics. Threading is difficult when you have a serious personality. But I am getting better. I just need to practice.

Speaking of practice, I have a date tomorrow with a cute college professor at my school. Prior to bootcamp, I could never approach her. Today, I successfully engaged her in conversation, isolated her in her office so we could have one-on-one interaction privately, applied level 1 kino on two or three occassions during the conversation, and maintained strong eye contact most of the time.

Today was the first time I was able to lead the conversation by threading to topics she and I enjoyed talking about. Somehow, words such as "hard," "penetrating," "boobs" (her words, not mine), and "having fun together" all surfaced.

I had her comply to my request in seeing my office by saying, "Would you like to see where I am?" (in context). While there, she was looking at all of my books and, to my surprise, was impressed with my bookcase devoted to statistics & mathematics. Afterwards, she did something I did not expect. Instead of sitting in a second chair I have in my office, she sat on my desk facing me, smiling. I then told her that I had a meeting I had to go to (which I did), but also asked her out. She complied. Let's see how she complies tomorrow when I try to apply more kino and subliminal, sexual dialogue.

[Canjay]

I love it when hard, penetrating boobs are having fun together

[spuck]

Hey Flow,

I always enjoy your posts. But I have to wonder about the idea of HAPPINESS of others as a valid measure of one's Leadership.

Can we agree that Happiness the way you use it here, means people feeling good?

Originally Posted by flow

The measure I use is how genuinely happy people I interact with seems to be by just spending time in my company.

And there are two useful ways to count this.

1. The quality and intensity of their happiness.

2. And the percentage of people reacting positively to me of all the people I interact with during a day.

Let me share my reservations about the point 2. first.

What percentage of soldier throughout history were intensely happy or even "reacted positively" when they faithfully followed their respective Leaders (i.e. generals etc) into battle and death?

What percentage of us are "intensely happy" at work where we dutifully follow the instructions of our respective Leaders (i.e. employers etc) so that they can, in turn, please THEIR Leaders (CEOs, shareholders)?

What percentage of the human race spends the first 2 decades of life "intensely happy"? I don't know about you, but I spent most of my youth grounded. Don't recall "reacting positively" to sitting in my room forced to redo Calculus. Didn't make my parents any less of Leaders.

Now let me address point 1. because I think it applies more directly to pickup.

I have made many a girl happy in my life. They laughed, giggled, squeeled in delight... Happy.

But I wasn't a Leader with them. And so, I was patted on the head and passed over for the Leader that probably didn't crack a single joke or do a single nice thing for her, but eventually bent her over the futon and fucked her as he pleased.

Maybe a proper definition of happiness is in order here. But I am pretty sure that a true Leader finds the reactions of others irrelevant.

It's about being SOLID and REAL. People NEED THAT, women DESIRE THAT.

Feeling happy is optional.

Just my thoughts.

Respect,
spuck

P.S. "Hard Penetrating Boobs". PU Prof, I am sooo rooting for you. Keep us posted.

[Mr. Incredible]

With regards to leadership, it's making decisions and inviting others to go along with you. You can "lead" others into a happier state, if that's what you want to do. In fact, therapists are paid to do just that, to lead the patient into a mental state that they are unable to get to by themselves.

As Spuck points out, supplication is bad. Having a strong sense of reality and communicating that, "There's a party in my reality and you're invited", is good.

I might choose to cheer someone up if I think they're down. Not because I want something from them, just from compassion. I am choosing to lift them up out of their bad mental state for my own reasons and that's leadership, not supplication.

[flow]

The thing with GREAT leaders are that people are happy to work for them. I mean genuinely happy to even sacrifice their life for them.

And this is especially true for GREAT military leaders. Guys like Julius Ceasar and Napoleon Bonaparte could never have been so successful unless they had inspired a kind of happy devotion to be of service in their soldiers. There is plenty of historical evidence of this and mostly in the form of complaints from their enemies.

In the case of Julius Ceasar there was a debate in the Roman Senate for years regarding the problem that the legions under Julius Ceasar's command was so devoted to him as a person and not loyal to the roman senate.

Napoleon was imprisoned isolated on an Island because of his ability to raise an army of devoted followers just by interacting with people. The guy could practically just walk into a town and start talking to people and they would start signing up as soldiers, providing weapons, food, horses, sewing uniforms and banners, giving money and the lot.

I to hated doing calculus exercises, and no one told me or forced me to to them. Instead I decided I needed to do them and discipline myself because otherwise I couldn't achieve a higher goal, which was in that case to be able to take an advanced class in Computer Science.

When I say happy I mean people who have a crappy day at work and they see me in the doorway and when I lock eyes with them from a distance they smile and start to radiate as if the day just turned into the best day of their life. I'm not a comedian, I don't make people laugh, people can laugh at a funny joke and be miserable inside anyway, I make people enjoy living when I'm around. That is happiness to me, enjoying living.

I think Mr. Incredible got it right in his view of what leadership is about. Issuing orders and forcing people to submit to your will isn't leadership. Its being an asshole. You win and they lose. Personally I don't ever deal with people who behave like that, as far as I'm concerned they aren't part of society.

Telling people about your visions and which tasks you must accomplish to reach that vision is to me one part of leadership.
Making people inspired and feeling happy in your company is another.
In my experience doing both these things will make people volunteer to do tasks, or part of tasks, for you. And then they will be more happy when you let them.
Leadership is also, to me, to make sure people who do tasks for you don't fail.
In order to make people not fail you have to do some things:
- Provide the resources, they don't have, that they need to succeed.
- Be clear about how to measure if the task is successfully accomplished.
- Be willing to coach them until they actually accomplish the task successfully.
- Give them public validation and positive feedback when they succeed.

And occasionally you have to tell them straight up that they really have fucked up something and what they need to do to set it straight again. And just expect them to do that.

In Pick Up you can do the same and it works if you use touch and eye-contact and hardly any words to communicate the visions, tasks, measurable success criteria and validation feedback.

The really amazing thing I've learnt recently is that if I use mostly touch and eye-contact and not more words than absolutely necessary to communicate, then I become a much better leader in all other aspects of life too.

[Pickup Professor]

I started a new thread regarding my date with the professor last night, called "In dire need of advice." Gentlemen: I would sincerely appreciate any insights, experience, advice, criticisms, etc. that you can provide to help build on (what I hope) was started last night.