Identity problem or Street Fighter Pathology

[Noonaute]

Do you remember the old Nintendo action games? Games like Street Fighters in which you had to pick a character at the beginning, and every character had a different boosted skill. In all these games there is the big bully with a lot of Strenght but less Stamina. Then you have the young wizard who has a lot of skillpoints in Magic, but sucks at Defending. And finally you have the balanced one. He is often the best one to choose, because he is good in a lot of things. He has decent skills in every aspect of his Nintendo-character life.

Well, I feel exactly like him. And it's really unpleasant.

I'm not having an identity problem because I have hard times identifying what I like most or what I'm best at. I just feel like I'm good at a lot of stuff, and I also have plenty interests. I just can't manage to find who I really am in this puzzling mess. I'm a sociable guy with a very large circle of good friends, but I don't have one particular crew that I hang out with all the time. I like clubbing but don't club enough to be identified as the partyer. I am good at sports, but not enough to be known as the athlete guy. I'm great at school but not enough so I can be labelled as the intellectual guy. If anything, I'm known for being a sociable guy who is involed in politics. This is an identity (or innergame) problem I've had deep inside me for a looooong time. And I just don't feel that opening 1000 sets could help in any way here. It's exterior to PU. It may not seem like a problem to you guys, but it is. As I don't feel I'm having a strong personnality, even if I can manage good conversations, I constantly find myself using a friend's funny expressions, imitating this cool guy's demeanour, this actor's body language, etc. Having a chameleon personnality is starting to be heavy on my shoulders and I don't know what to do. I just feel that in the long term, it is not a correct mindset to imitate other people's personnality.

I've done the exercise to write down what I would like to be, what personality traits I would like to have, but it doesn't stick to me in the long term. Should I do this exercise with more persistance? Do you guys ever struggled with a similar problem? Do you have an idea how it can be solved, how I can develop a strong personnality? I feel that if I get this handled, I would make a giant step through actualization.

Again, this is not about PU. It's about becoming a man, which is another piece of the puzzle.

Hope you guys will be able to help me.


-J

[Lester]

I use to pursue a lot of activities, well because I wanted to be great at everything. then i spreaded myself to thin and became unaware of which ball out of all the 15 balls i'm juggling to focus on, so i got confused, with all these desires and wantings to be the shit, at everything.

then i said fuck it, I know what I want to do, and I let the my path choose me and it revealed itself and i'm happy now. feels so good to have direction in life.

[Noonaute]

Thanks for your answer Lester.

I think I see your point, but I was not specifically talking about your identity as the job you have here. I meant like your "stereotype character" in a group. Are you the funny one? The loud serious guy?

Vin's method is great because it allows you to stay yourself while getting good with women. But what if you don't know who that self is?

I hesitated before posting this because it might be interpreted like overthinking, but again, it's not a sticking point relating to picking up women. It's a real identity problem that I'm experiencing and Brian's inner game section seemed to me like the best place to start searching for the answers I'm looking for.

Thanks again for your answer Lester. You can detail what you've been through if you think it could help me (and others). It would be greatly appreciated.

-J

[Lester]

Hmmm... well as far as who I am. I always knew who I am, as far as having a stereotype. I don't suggest it. It pigeon holds you into a category.

[Lester]

jus remember. MORTAL KOMBAT IS MY SHIT.

[Noonaute]

Thanks for your answers Lester.


-J

[El Galan]

I know its a late response but here goes anyway.

What it seems like it me is you have a lack of passion. something that drives you something that is more important than women. The good news is that you seem to already know what you like and what you are good at so i suggest a simple exercise of setting goals. take all of those things that you are good at and in each set a small goal to reach. I don't suggest you do this all at once, you may overwhelm yourself. Setting a goal will give you a good picture of what you like the most. you will see what you will go through/do/ work at in order to achieve your set goals. if you aren't willing, then perhaps you don't like that certain activity as much as you thought. i suggest you keep doing this until you find something you can really engross yourself in and just lose track of time doing.

Now as for you wanting to be the "x" guy, i suggest you don't try to be a cookie-cutter mold of some stereotype. That would limit your appeal and you would become one of "those guys". Be a leader, not a follower. create your own mold. you see something you think looks cool? wear it. you think belly dancing would be fun? - Do it. in the end you start to filter out what you really like and what is not your cup of tea.

Another thing to keep in mind, is that I don't believe our identity is static. meaning your identity changes. sure you have your core beliefs, but one day you make a discovery that rocks your world. fighting something like this because its "not you" only causes identity confusion and inner conflict. accept that things change, even you. My identity a while back used to be that of a nerdy wuss, who thought all women were "bitches" Now i'm a nerdy man who loves women (though is still have some work to do).
This applies to small things too. you like a certain style of music for x amount of time, then for some reason or another it doesn't appeal to you anymore, Don't stubbornly stick to because "its ME". Go with the flow I say!

for good measure here is one common question I remember about identity.

If money and women weren't an issue (you get laid), what would you spend your day doing?

I don't claim to be an expert or anything, these are just some of the things I have gone through myself and have articulated here.

please feel free to drop me your criticisms.

a final note. Just remember, its ALL you; lead, Don't follow; use your broad tastes to your advantage with people. even if they are not your passion, its good to be eclectic. Do what you like/want (there are certain boundaries of course).

hope this helps a bit. Good luck, bro.

[Noonaute]

Hey El Galan! Thanks for your answer. Don't think that I have left it unanswered because it wasn't helpful. I've read it a couple of times since you posted it and it has been much, much useful. I particularly liked the part about being passionnate and allowing changes. I'll work on this stuff ( in fact I already started).

Thanks again.