How do I get out of my head?

[masercaster]

Today, I saw a woman I had approached some days back. My intentions with her are purely platonic.

Anyways, I think of some things to say and approach her again with, "Haven't we met before?"

And then go straight into my "conversation topic".

She, however replies: "Hi, how are you?"

It hits me then and there, how ridiculous it is of me to not even have thought of basic greetings like that. That wouldn't have happened with someone I really knew and connected with. The conversation would have naturally progressed.

How do I stop analyzing and get out of my head?

I analyze because I have the fear that I'll run out of things to say.

Why should I be afraid of that?

Why am I in this "entertaining monkey" frame?

I don't want to analyze social interactions (as cool as it seems). I just want to live them.

[Orleans]

Live in the moment. If you see a girl you want go up to her and start talking immediately, first thing that comes out of your mouth. Don't think about it beforehand. Just do it.

Personally though I find this to be less productive than having a gameplan. But that's just me.

[FreeVerse]

I agree with Orleans. You have to live in the moment. A book called Quiet Your Mind by John Selby talks about the internal chattering in our heads. I'm still in the beginning but he gives gives an exercise on how to get out of your head and be in the moment. He says use two of your senses at the same time. For instance you can hear whats going on in the room you're in and then look around at what's in the room and the chatter in your head stops.

and stop thinking you'll run out of things to say. that's just a fear, you know the fear and now reframe it... think of reasons why you'll have a lot of things to say... and besides you're not going to do 100% of the talking, she's contributing too. Help her contribute more. You ask questions and hear her stories and relate to them.

[El Cuchillo]

you're in your head because you're not centered in the moment. take a moment to feel your feet touching the ground - or touching your sox, which are touching your shoes, etc.

Listen. See.

Spend time listening to her, her voice, vocal patterns.

See her body language, etc.

You can do all of this before the approach.

One of the best acting teachers I ever had told me to touch something solid just before walking on to stage and to really feel it - texture, temperature, look at its color, markings etc. Brings you into the moment and you're ready.

cuchillo

[masercaster]

Thanks a lot, guys! Will try it out next time I'm out.

[FreeVerse]

It's also best to know what that chatter is about. Well when I was too in my head it was because I was inscure. I had to fix that. and my head became more quiet.

[masercaster]

Of course, I'm insecure. I'm still fixing that. There are many methods, but the best method of course is actual interactions with women.

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by masercaster

Of course, I'm insecure. I'm still fixing that. There are many methods, but the best method of course is actual interactions with women.

It all depends on your insecurity... if you're insecure about how you look, your self-image, or something inner than talking to a lot of woman will not help... i've talked to woman my whole life and I still was insecure. I only felt secure when I start working on myself.

[rarebreed]

Originally Posted by masercaster

How do I stop analyzing and get out of my head?

A better question is, "How do I become more in the moment in my interactions with woman?". Asking how to stop analyzing and get out of your head puts you in a position where the focus is still on the negative. It's best to focus on the positive, like being in the moment.

I analyze because I have the fear that I'll run out of things to say.

Fear is an internal state caused by an external behavior. What causes this fear? When does it happen, specifically? Where is it coming from?

[masercaster]

No matter how much I read online and thought about it and asked people
about it, I was never able to do this one simple thing that everyone
seemed to be talking about. Getting out of my head.

That's because I was 'reading', 'thinking', and 'listening' to their
advice.

It is kind of tough to 'explain' getting outside your head, but I'll
try and elucidate.

I called up a wing to meet. It was around 8 in the evening, and we
were only meeting at some un-sargeworthy place. I didn't expect to
sarge. Just meet up with him and chat and bond a little. So, there is
no agenda.

I'm crossing the road. Some girl comes up next to me. Normally, I
wouldn't give her a second glance. But, she does. So, I did the polite
thing.

"Excuse me, what's the time?"
*time*
"Thank you."
"So, you're just getting back from work?"
*Yeah..*
"Ok, don't freak out. I'm sort of a mindreader. It's an IT/software
job rite?"
*Haha yes.* And she goes on about her job etc.

We cross the road. We part ways. And, I've just made her day.

Meet up with wing. Talk about field experience (as if!). Then he
says, ok open.

Nice lonewolf and we both get into a heated argument as to who has to
open. He takes two steps forward and one step back. Literally

So, I take charge.

"Excuse me, do you come here often?"
*Um...yeah..*
"What do u think of the prices here? Too exorbitant...?"

She talks on and on. Every second moment, I turn to leave and she
still is saying something. So, I engage her. ~I was friggin
"bodyrockin" and didnt even realize it.~

Anyways after she has exhausted her supply of IOIs, I leave. I may
have also made her day.

Cut to hotel scene. Uncle and Aunty eating something.

"What is that?"
"Veg. Manchuri"
"Cool. Even I'm getting that. Hope it tastes good?"

Both smile. Aunty actually beams.

Ok...so thanks for staying through my monologue here. It just feels so
good to be home (in my head). However, I intend to travel a bit more
now.

(((maser.caster)))

[FreeVerse]

Sup with the monologue, you gotta dumb it down for me a bit and tell me what's that an example of?

Yeah, if you're smart, and a super thinker it's going to be hard to make that shift of not thinking so much, give it some time, and once you get yourself together, you'll start thinking about your outer game and you'll be more in the moment. Just stay with the ride and you'll get to where you want to be at sooner or later.

[masercaster]

haha sorry if that was too much. that was just a field report of me being chilled out and in the moment.

cheers man,

(((maser.caster)))

[TheVoid]

You may also want to check out Eckhart Tolle Power of Now.

[jontyc]

Originally Posted by TheVoid

You may also want to check out Eckhart Tolle Power of Now.

Yeah...That is such a paradigm shattering book you know? It really blew my mind. It helps to teach you hopw to atrophy the ego, if you will - almost as good as the Neale Donald Walsch and Robert Anton Wilson stuff.

Especially if you're an overthinker, give yourself permission when you go out to be 'dumb' and to simply 'enjoy' everything. Appreciate inane things like the way the music is pumping into your ears or how it feels to stand in your shoes. Start small chat with anyone nearby you about nothing - like their t-shirt or glasses. Stay away from diving into a deep or logical discussion. Analysis is paralysis. Just keep rolling around in that positive, nonthinking state.