Not getting attached to a girl when you are in LTR

[Greystoke]

I have been in an exclusive relationship with my current gf for 1 month now. We have sex several times a week, she is into me and same for me. There is no oneitis since the feelings are reciprocated. I do have other female friends and my gf is not the jealous type.

However, I have started to feel attached to her and I sometimes fear that I may become too emotioanlly dependent on her. The more time I spend with her and get to know her, the more amazing i find her. I have no plan of cheating on her by hitting on other girls but how can I still keep an abundant mentality and not be an emotional wreck in case the relationship does not work out?

How do i go about it? is there a certain attitude I should be adopting?

[FreeVerse]

Attatched how? I can't explain it, but there are times when people get to attached they need constant reassurance and they bug the hell out of the other one in the relationship, and there always thinking about the relationship and have a struggle to keep it going? Could that be what you mean by you don't want to get attached? Cause yeah, you don't want that.

How many "beings" are in your relationship. 2? no, there are actually three.

1)You
2)Her
3)You and her together as a WHOLE.

If you keep giving to that whole and making things better(the enviroment or sphere that you and her occupy) then I don't see how you'll be worrying about being attached to much because your making things better.

Your worrying of being attached is a creation that you made. Our thoughts are creations and living beings that we create. I don't know what made you create that worry. I think you need to ask yourself why it's there.

But in a relationship or any communication with anyone you don't want to think about shit like that. It's more like enjoying the ride through your senses and not thinking about it.

If it doesn't work out don't try to figure out a way of not feeling grief, it's normal and natural to feel that way when something you invested in goes sour. When you accept it right away, the faster you get through it.

[Greystoke]

FV,
great post as always.

Based on this rather insightful analysis of yours, what i am trying to say is that I am starting to valueh the third being in the LTR(HER AND ME) more than ME. You can call this being selfless, but I guess it's a bad road to take. I should have MYSELF as the center of my reality and not invest way too much in US, for which the future can be uncertain.


And also, despite having her, I am still a man and I sometimes think of other HOT girls when I see them. Am I cheating on her in my heart?

I guess i am not too secure in my current LTR.

[FreeVerse]

This brings me back to when I'd really feel something for a girl but then of course I wanted to fuck other girls while still keeping that one. It's natural for a man to be that way. If you feel you're being to attatched and you don't want to be then you'd have to spend less time with her and invest less in her.

[Orleans]

It's all about managing your emotions. Realize what's going on and make logical decisions about it.

[FreeVerse]

I wrote a blog about objectifying. Look at your behavior and that should seperate you from the emotions. Sure emotions inspire behavior but they are different. If you look at your behavior you can make wise choices. For instance... you say "I don't want to be attatched." What behaviors comes out of that thought? Maybe something like staring to long at her. Now if you look at that behavior of over-staring(what a great term) you can look at if from a spectators point of view. You might like it or you might not(i'm sure it's this one) and what it does It causes you to make a decision in your head... For instance you might ask yourself "O.k. I don't like this behavior, what can I do to change it?" and the answer can be "well, by stop being so fucking attatched. It's ok to have a bond, but one that is under control."

We all had may epiphanies in this journey we take. Well I think asking yourself questions like that will help those epiphanies come more easier and faster when you really look at things from a spectators point of view. Also reflecting on past events helps get those epiphanies going, like it replays in your mind. Remember when you watched a movie the second time, you picked something up that you didn't notice before... or what you have seen before becomes more solid and it blossomed in your mind after being planted like a seed during the first time you seen it.

[Brian]

Too much thinking...wtf...just enjoy her.

The more you get to know her, the more amazing you find her. And that's bad??????

You're gonna fuck it up by worrying about getting attached. Just enjoy...

If you're worried about getting rusty in PU, work on approaching and have fun convos without #closing.

[Doubletrouble]

I've had problems with this sort of thing in the past. I would meet a girl, everything would be all rosy and then I would become emotionally attached and stop doing the things that made her attracted to me in the first place. Eventually things would fall to pieces and I couldn't understand why but now I handle things totally differently...

There are two major things to consider here:

(1) Maintain your options - No matter how much you enjoy this woman you definitely still want to leave your options open. OPTIONS ARE POWER! When you know that if need be, you're fully capable of walking away at any moment, something magical happens...

You carry yourself in a totally different way. You maintain an attitude of abundance. You maintain a high level of standards (you don't put up with any bullshit). And because of this YOU MAINTAIN THE ATTRACTION.

(2) Stay on your path - Before you met this young lady, you had a bunch of things you enjoyed doing. You had goals and dreams. You had a path you were on. No matter how close you get to this girl or how great she is you need to stay on that path.

Many guys make the mistake of straying off their path just because they find some good tail. They lose contact with their friends. They don't pursue their hobbies. They stop being the guy who attracted her in the first place. Don't make this mistake.

Hope this helps.