Self-Reassurance

[FreeVerse]

There are times when one can feel inadequate, partial or not good enough.

When I use to see women I felt that I had nothing to give. That I wasn't good enough. It prevented me from approaching them. So I sought my validation from them. If I picked up a beautiful woman, that meant I was good with woman and that made me an attractive person, right? Not true. It's your qualities that make your attractive.

I went from validation seeking from people other than myself to a self-validating and self-reassuring MAN.

Know you qualities and traits: Respectful, giving, kind, trustworthy, friendly, sexual, sensual, etc.

Are you a good person?: Morals, caring, loving, kind, etc.

What are you good at?: Sports, Art, Singing, Dancing, Carpentry, Cooking, etc.

What experiences have you had that shows you can get through this certain sticky point? If you had an experience of being able to pick up a woman successfully then you can always come back to that when you're picking up a woman.

What makes you unique?: This is usually what you can do effortlessly while most struggle and/or what is fun for you and makes life exciting and worthwhile.

Don't measure yourself by comparison with others.

Instead, when you feel inadequate, not good enough, etc. look back at your qualities, traits, what makes you unique, experiences, and all of yourself. Know your worth.

Once you see your worth, help people find theirs. Bring people up, Men and Women.

[Daga]

Again, a good post, Freeve.. Thank's.

[Brian]

Absolutely.

In fact, I don't think you even need to affirm your worth. Forget your "special little story" and focus on what you are doing right now.

In a social situation, what you are doing right now should probably be reassuring and boosting others. Or escalating.

[king_david23]

Free,

Id love to here more about how you became this self-assured/self validating man.

I find myself in that place right now where I question my own worth/value and how that contributes to my goals with women/dating

any more information that you can provide here im sure would help me and a few others

This post is golden BTW

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by king_david23

Free,

Id love to here more about how you became this self-assured/self validating man.

I find myself in that place right now where I question my own worth/value and how that contributes to my goals with women/dating

any more information that you can provide here im sure would help me and a few others

This post is golden BTW

I got this way the same way I do anything. It all starts with a choice. A decision. I chose to look to myself for self-validation. I was tired of being pulled by what I thought others thought of me. I thought what mattered most, is what I think.

[FreeVerse]

oh and thank you for your thoughts on the post. I'm glad you like it.

[bigtonyatl]

I like it. Its seems you've come quite a ways. Even the very best have bad days. Its what you choose to think and do on those days that really shape you. I used to buy in all the self-pity, woe is me crap. Now, if I feel bad about myself, first I forgive myself and then I concentrate on the person I expect to be in the future. I ask myself if what I'm doing is congruent with my purpose. This always helps.

[FreeVerse]

Originally Posted by bigtonyatl

I like it. Its seems you've come quite a ways. Even the very best have bad days. Its what you choose to think and do on those days that really shape you. I used to buy in all the self-pity, woe is me crap. Now, if I feel bad about myself, first I forgive myself and then I concentrate on the person I expect to be in the future. I ask myself if what I'm doing is congruent with my purpose. This always helps.

Thanks bro. Sounds like you've been reading the Way of The Superior Man.

[FreeVerse]

Looking back at this post I have to say. Self-reassurance should not be done on the field. Why? because it will fuck up your game. When you're on the field, you're should be totally cleared of negative and positive thoughts. You should be immersed in the moment. A person whose good at picking up women doesn't need to pump himself up with positive thoughts, he simply does it. Save the self-reassurance when you're reflecting if you become frustrated after on the field game.

Also, like Brian said, which I pondered on. You don't need to reassure yourself to reassure others.

Reassure them, bring them up, escalate.

[DGYE]

Ahh GREAT post! Something everyone should read! And as stated earlyer, it is Golden!!!

I am one of the very few who have had this attitude my whole life or well almost... My mental state is not like most and tho i may have a irritation with soemthing every now and then, i do not let "it" or "them" get to me, since i am better then taht and only I control what i think and feel, there for i control who i am!

I know my worth, i know what i can do, and i know who i am!

"ME" is the important thing that ppl need to understand when it comes to having confidence, selfesteem, selfworth, ETC....

We all need reminded and help from time to time on certin things in life regardless of who you are or who you THINK you are!

You are, what you make your self! Simple and plain as that!!!

[SocalNewbie]

I do have a question for you all.

I bring up my friends and they return with put downs...did I not reassure them?

If not, how it is achieved? or it is time to stop hang out with those individuals?

the answer maybe obvious. However, I'm new in town and the social circle is limited.

[FreeVerse]

what you mean, by put down, they're teasing you like making fun of your or are they actually putting you down?

If they are putting you down, then it is obvious... and there are many friends out there that can be your boys that you hang out with and will bring you up too.

[SocalNewbie]

by put down, I meant one of the guy in particular would make racist remarks or jokes...then apologizes right after he puts foot in his mouth. He is a minority also. So, I don't know the reasoning behind his action.

[FreeVerse]

in that case, don't reward him, find a new circle. Interesting story, I use to hang out with this guy that had a life, he has so much to give to the world, he's a creative and hard working person but he grips all the time, he's negative and that's what's holding him back... Well, i stopped being around him... a couple of weeks later I ran into him, he's a changed man. I told him what I quit hanging out with him, he said I was right (but that really didn't matter.) he then stated when I stopped being around him, he too started looking for successful people to be around, he's not completly changed but he's different.

I would really make another circle of friends.

[SocalNewbie]

That's what exactly I did tonight, found out he was going out to celebrate one of my buddy's new job promotion. I decided not to join them. I feel bad for the buddy that got the job promotion, he is a great guy and rewards people around him.

I'm starting to realize that in order to achieve self-reassurance, you have to look within yourself. The smallest detail counts....from the condition of your living situation to financial stability. Must tear everything down and rebuild it stronger and better. Am I going overboard?