State slip: damage control or...?? Help :)

[Qvision]

Hi guys,

Last week I met this cute blond that I kissclosed after an hour or so, and I fullclosed her the next day. (best she's ever had she even said). She lives in the same building as me, so that pretty convenient.

Now, she recently broke up with her boyfriend and he still visits her now and then (dumbass situation, both having trouble of not letting go etc. I think. Quite honestly, I don't care.),but his visits are more like "checkups", he's pretty controlling etc. and fact is, (however I didn't say this to her), she wants him to do this, or she'd simply say: fuck off.

This last week, we've had some interaction (not sexual, kissing, just hanging out etc.), but at the moment she's in this situation where she 'hates to be alone'. So, she always tries to have someone with her etc. No problem with that; we're touchy & kissing etc & she can do whatever she likes.. but: I do find myself mentally putting in somewhat of an investment (thinking of her, while at the same time realisingto myself it's a dumbass thing to do etc.)

Lastnight, while I was out at the gym, she and a dude from my hallway (also know the guy, cool guy) saw a movie, and afterwards she asked if she could come and put me in bed. We entangled for an hour or so, and I got her pretty horny, but ended it (late, tired & muscle pain :s). I asked if she was home tomorrow (=today) and if she would come over... She said her ex was coming again but she'd get rid of him.

So today, I first didn't hear from her. I wasn't sitting by the clock or anything, I had my own things to do, (just to make this clear), but I did skip porn this afternoon cause I was counting the fact I'd be getting layed lol.

At about 7pm she texted me if I wanted to do something for her... I asked "what...", she said: just come over. I had company at the time, so I waited untill they were gone. (duh) Went over there, and she asked if I could go with her and get some tickets to a party for her friend... I simply said; no, not in the mood :s to walk 45 mins to get someone elses tickets. At this point I was basically irritated and annoyed, and I somewhat displayed this by being aloof... (both intentionally -> as a sort of punishment and unintentionally -> hey,I was fucking annoyed!)
I left 5 mins later when she went to get the tickets.

Tonight there's a booze night for the people in our building and I even considered not going (like I had planned because she asked me te come), and just going out on my own. Now these thougts disturb me :s I feel like I "slipped" and maybe showed too much that I cared she didn't show up this afternoon.

Back in my room, I thought it over and decided to go to the event here for an hour or 2 hours and then leave to go out...

I'm a bit worried that I didn't match up in terms of congruence. I displayed myself to be dominant, getting what I want but in a warm & kind way at the same time. But in a couple of days, this had become more of a mindfuck for me than I'd like it to be. My inner game is pretty strong, but this situation made me slip somewhat...

Any thoughts on general follow up of this???
What to look out for, what to mind, what to do, what to NOT do... (or simply drop her completely).
I do not want a relationship with this girl, she's got too much emotional
bagage, she's in too much need of validation & I don't want to get myself in a goddamn mindfuck. But I'd like to have a fb this close to my place (I've got 2 other girls I closed in that I can focus on, but getting together with them is more of a problem -> distance)

Basics I myself was thinking up are; staying not too invested, not letting it get to me ( watching my goddamn thought patterns) & GFTOW .......

Any help would be greaaaaatly appreciated!!
Thx mates !!
Love & kisses,
Q

[CrimsonKnight]

Hey Q,

I am by no means an expert but I can relate to what you're feeling. Let me know if I've got this correctly:

- You've basically used everything u learned as a PUA in order to pick this girl up, but now that you've pased that point and hit the stage where you're actually yourself, you're starting to loose that warm dominance that you've built up. You're basically starting to have an internal conflict between what you're "supposed" to do, and what you're really feeling.



My advice, IMHO, would be to sit down and meditate a bit on your inner game. What do you really want. Weighing benefits vs baggage.

- If you're looking for something to build up, long term, relationship or not, (a physical relationship is still a commitment somewhat) then there's going to be an investment factor you'll have to put in. Anything thats long term will require her to accept who you are... as who you are as a person, not as a text-book PUA.

- If you see her as a person that is too much baggage, then you can come to terms, accept it and move on. If she wants you, take her in but you can keep playing the game with her because itdoesn't really matter if she's there or not.



I think that if you want to maintain anytype of relationship with this girl, you're going to have to put up with the comfort building. An extra amount, because she needs someone there. Probably just to hold and hang out with. The attraction is clearly already there, but I think that if you want any more "action", its going to have to come with all the walks and cuddles and talks...



Just my thoughts, hope I was some help

-CK

[Qvision]

Thx m8, you actually did help.

I've been thinking a bit this afternoon and I think I've realised somewhat more what's my problem here. First of all, my pu "style" is very natural and in any form of interaction I have, I do convey my personality in a sincere way... I try not to be reactive and this goes most of the time...

In this case, it's actually not the investment itself I don't want to make, au contraire, I'd like to make the investment and have some sort of relationship with her (no LTR), but I'm concerned that she'll be using me as a way of quickfix for good emotions, at her choice.

Point is, I think you're right when you say I can take her in & keep "playing" but just don't overdo it investment wise...

And that's actually my question... the best way(s) of managing this??
Conciously minding the amount of effort I put in,....??

Any thoughts on that?

thx m8!

[CrimsonKnight]

In this case, it's actually not the investment itself I don't want to make, au contraire, I'd like to make the investment and have some sort of relationship with her (no LTR), but I'm concerned that she'll be using me as a way of quickfix for good emotions, at her choice.

I think your answer is right there. Lets just say that you can both mutually use each other for the time being, no? You using her physically, her using you emotionally. Being conscious of the fact that she might be using you, knowing that it could be temporary and investing in consequence would automatically help you calibrate.

I don't think you have to go on and analyze each action you do saying: "wait, I shouldn't do this because she's not worth it" but rather just go in with the general feel of "Lets just all have a good time and enjoy it while it lasts".


If something better does come over, be ready to move on. Thats all

once again, all IMHO.

CK-