falling in love

[sam]

Hello


I have a question about falling in love; Every time I fall in love with a girl then I fuck it up most of the time...
But when i don't have any feeling there's no problem...

Any ideas?



grtz

[Gabler]

Do you mean "Love" or do you mean "ego obsession"??

[Zudnic]

Never tell a Women you are falling in love with them. Men do not fall in love! Keep doing what got you the date(s) and slowly increase time together. The "girlfriend" thing will just happen. Let "love" be her idea.

[sam]

Originally Posted by Gabler

Do you mean "Love" or do you mean "ego obsession"??

what do you mean with ego obsession?

[Gabler]

Obsession is the beginning of most people's relationship, when one make up all kinds of reasons for why the other person is sooo awsome. So when one finds out that the feeling isn't mutual one hates the other person, or the feeling fades after a month...

Love is when one knows on a deep level that one is connected to the divine consciousness, and one is connected to every living organism, and that organism is you. Even if not so, one's thinking is linear, so love is a feeling, it's a state of mind not caused by something external...

(Of course you don't have to believe this)

[mycer]

Originally Posted by Gabler

Obsession is the beginning of most people's relationship, when one make up all kinds of reasons for why the other person is sooo awsome. So when one finds out that the feeling isn't mutual one hates the other person, or the feeling fades after a month...

Love is when one knows on a deep level that one is connected to the divine consciousness, and one is connected to every living organism, and that organism is you. Even if not so, one's thinking is linear, so love is a feeling, it's a state of mind not caused by something external...

(Of course you don't have to believe this)

I've been reading eastern philosophy for some time now, especially the works of J. Krishnamurti, and he speaks about love much in the same way. True love demands nothing in return, it is unconditional. What a lot of people call love is really just a contract; if you show affection towards me and dont have sex with anyone else, then i will do the same. It is ridiculous to call that type of relationship love, its just an agreement so one can feel secure. True love does not depend on the other persons actions. Of course most of us are too caught up in our egos (and dependent on security, being validated, and afraid of loneliness) to internalize this and not be hurt by other people's actions. Not that we can understand this and instantly change, but it is an ideal and we are slowly evolving towards this state.

Oh and I'm sure that when you actually really fall in what you call 'love' with a girl ( or maybe ego obsession) she picks up on your neediness and that scares her away.

Its also interesting to look into the works of Carl Jung, he talks about how we all have female and male energies, and we need to embrace both to be a complete or fulfilled being. So us men are not so in touch with our female energy and we project it onto certain women. So we see (by projecting) the disowned female aspects of ourselves in other women and feel that if we could posses them we would be fulfilled. Of course when it comes to desire, our instinctual sexual drives also come into play, this is more about the idea of romantic love or 'soulmate'. There is a lot more to his theory though I just gave a short and probably butchered explanation.

Anyways good luck with the lady.