The Meaning of Life (Please, take the time to read this)

[Daniel_B]

Well, as much as I would love to put this into a video I still don't have my camera, which is why I haven't been able to record a video for the YouTube series. I apologize for that. Take the time to read this as I put a lot of time into it and I'm sure you can get a lot out of it

Inspired by Steve Pavlina' writings...

"The Meaning of Life" by Daniel Becerra

What is the meaning of life? What is the purpose of us being here? Does a God exist? And if yes, should we let him choose our destiny? If there is a God, what religion preaches the right thing? Many of these questions have been asked over and over again by many great minds and people who were nuts as well. Wars have been fought over for some of these questions, from Politicians to extremists to even religious people (ironic, isn't it?) have fought and argued for centuries or milleniums so they have the pleasure to say "I'm right".

Truth is, a lot of these questions will never have a right or wrong answer. Calvin Davids asked me once: "Why do you believe you're right and they're wrong?". I simply answered "Because I believe it. That's how I live. That's 'right' in my eyes". I could spend hours explaining why I believe I'm right but ultimately someone will bring something up to question my explanation. But truth also is that we can learn a lot of these arguments.

I'm going to share with you some stories of my life. I didn't write these events previous to writing this post, I'm just writing them as I remember and the reason why I do that is because I believe that if I'm able to remember them off top of my head, then it must be because they had a significant impact on my life. This could get long, so bear with me.

The Day I started thinking

By thinking, I mean really thinking on my own. To think means to question other things that are presented to you as they were facts and that was that. Around the age of 13, I begin to actually think of my own. I begin to question certain things. It was more than curiosity. It was desire to find the truth. Of course I didn't say to myself "I'm going to change the world!" but I constantly asked myself "Why am I going to Church every Sunday at 7 AM", "Why do people fight over religion?", "Why does everyone work for so many hours and don't get enough money?", "Why do I have less money for food than other friends have?". Let's begin with religion since it's one of the topics that causes me to say a few words that mostly everyone always argues with me.

Religion

Let me start by saying that I'm currently an Atheist and if there was a religion I follow, I would call it "Danielism" or "Personal Development Religion". I don't believe in God, Jesus or Virgin Mary. I have lost any type of faith in Church. And I believe the Bible is an interesting read - awesome actually - but I see it more as fiction and/or the beliefs of a series of individuals who were very influential at their time. They were the Tony Robbins or the Ian Smiths of the past, just that - with the exception that I actually believe and follow what the latter have to say. Yet, I respect all religions. I believe that one must respect other people's choices even if you choose not to embrace them. Though, what I find ironic is that some "religious" people don't respect my decision to not be a catholic or a christian. Often I get told "You're going to hell", to which I reply "That's funny, one girl told me that last night"

It started at the age of 13, I'm sure. I had finished my Comunion - a long process just so that you can do the Eucharist - getting the award of "best student" or perhaps "Most dedicated", I don't remember. I was really into it, I actually even visited those religious meetings where people sing, eat and have fun, but by the end of the night they would pray, cry and fall to the floor. I was the only 13 year old in those meetings. It was actually quite astonishing for my age. I began to wonder "Does God have the power to make them faint or are they just faking?". You know, at 13 I didn't really think. I woke up every Sunday at 6 AM to have breakfast, shower and be at Church by 7 AM. I went alone, I didn't ask anyone to drive me or walk me. (Can you tell what a good boy I was?) Well, that was me. I had dorky hair too. Do not ask for a picture.

By now you know two things: I ended up (and still am) an Atheist but I started being a very devoted Catholic. So there was obviously a change. What made the difference then? Growing I guess. By growing I started to think and actually pay attention to things. See, I had worked very hard to earn the title of "Good religious boy" just so I could "feel good with myself" sitting down on Church on a Sunday Morning. The "growing part" kicked in, causing me to listen to the words of the so beloved Priest. I won't write about the sayings that caused anger inside me - since that may cause some fury in some readers - but I will say that whatever they said actually backfired on them, in my eyes at least. I begin to question "Why do you look down on people who don't come to church? Isn't that free choice?"... "Why is this right? Because God says... How do I know what God says?... It's in the Holy Book. Who wrote the Holy Book? The Profets... The Profets? For all I know, I never met them... You should believe son... Why? Because God says so. You never met God!" This is what my conversations with many people sounded like.

Soon, I told my Mom and Dad "I don't believe in God". Their first words were "Are you crazy?". My aunt said the same thing. My neighbor actually said "His mouth will be on fire. God, please forgive him". To date. I've never had my mouth on fire, except on those fantastic make outs and/or when I eat spicy food. Soon, they got over it. My parents really weren't religious, they were just shocked at my sudden change.

But for the first moment in my life, I felt I had a saying and I had gotten away with it.

Going Down-Hill

I used to be handsome, I don't know what happened . At 13, almost 14 the ladies around my neighborhood began to not only show interest but to basically throw themselves at me. In school too, but I had always been shy in school. The guys always teased me about being not only short but also pure bones (and I was really), so stepping out from little boy to little player was unthinkable for me at the time (at least in school). Therefore, I made no move in school. In other words, I never dated any girl from my school, although they kept showing interest. But outside school? Forget it! At the age of 14 I met a asian looking six teen year old girl who asked my brother to hook us up. Well, we did. I wrote about her here. Her name is Kelly, she was my first "official" girlfriend. She actually taught me to kiss, lie, sneak in, bite and seduce well. My good looks brought me more girls than just Kelly, it brought me my maid at the time (who I lost my virginity to), it brought her cousin, her best friend and her enemy as well. I either was good looking for my age or the guys around were just too ugly.

Anyway, this was - as childish as it seems - a turning point in my life and I will explain why. Well, what happens when you start getting girls? You gain... say it... You gain confidence and when you gain confidence, you gain... say it... you gain respect and when you gain respect, you gain... say it... you gain status and when you gain status, you feel like you can soon own the world. But rather than becoming more confident, I became arrogant.

Did this turn out for the best? Not quite. Perhaps it would have if at the time I wouldn't have been so weak-minded and accept the company of a guy I met who got all the girls but had very little going for him. This guy and I had very few things in common. He was tall, I was short. He was loud, I was quiet. He was popular in school, I wasn't. But the one thing in common we both had was this: We were both very stupid. It was at this age that I started drinking and partying. I cared less and less about school each day, eventually dropping my grades from "A's" to "F's". I went from top 10 to bottom 10. It was just horrible. My teachers became amused when they saw me go from classes for advanced students to classes for students behind. Everyone was shocked really. Just by looking back at this, I realize how much can change in a matter of weeks.

You would expect thing to become better but they just turned out to become worse.

Well, I was going down from "A's" to "F's", I was drinking, I was partying, I had some girls - none of them who I cared for - what other worse thing can happen? I mean, your life has basically turned upside down. Your true friends don't recognize you anymore, they don't know what has happened to you. Your own mom tells you that you have gone through an unbelievable change and that she's dissapointed. Your father prefers your brother over you. What other worse thing can happen? I tell you what other worse thing can happen. A group of guys wanting to kill you.

[Daniel_B]

It was just night outside with my "buds". The ones that liked the new me. Those losers. We were just talking on my porch, I remember there was about eight of us. A group of five or so (all males) walk by and one of them is wearing a funny hat. One loud motherf**** of my crew actually says: "Hey asshole, nice hate. You should give it back to your mom!". To this, the guy replied very slowly "I'm going to beat the s*** out of you". We weren't really scared. In fact, we ignored it. But next day, a fight broke out between the guys we had seen the previous night and some of my "friends". I wasn't there. But the message was clear - They wanted to fight. We find out these guys are actually members of a pretty well known gang in the city, I actually tried to stay out of it, but they (gang members) wouldn't let me. As I was walking out of a near-by store, four of them were waiting for me outsie. People watched but no one did a thing. They held me and begin punching me. I did my best to get loose and luckily I did before my eyes became black. I had some pain, but nothing that wouldn't go away with some ice.

Well, just when I thought it couldn't be worse... things became a little scarier. What happens when you go to a party, drink and you're quite good looking and not too shy? Right, you kiss a girl or two. Well, I kissed a girl and this sweetheart happened to be one of the Gang's member's girlfriend. Uh oh ah what? Yes. Run for your life, Daniel. For about a month or so, I had a bunch of gang members up on my ass. Whenever I went out, I would go out backed up by 4-6 guys. They all walked me to places and they all walked me back. This was not a joke, my life was in danger. I couldn't live like this anymore. Low grades, drinking, my life in danger. What has happened to me? Was this the guy who one brighted his house with happiness? My mom cried for me. It's something that I'm not proud of and I wish I could put those tears back, but it was done. It was in that moment that my thinking actually allowed me to make a decision. One that back then didn't look like much, but one that now has put me here - in the position where I am now, with the ambitions and goals that I have now, with the people around me, with the people that follow me.

It was time for a change, but how would I start?

You know that saying "It all happened with an innocent call"? Well, this was the case.

It was late June, 2003 and around this time I was a broken kid wrapped up in shiny papers. In other words, I had a double-life or maybe triple-life. Some people thought I was doing well while others became more dissapointed by the day. The innocent call happened when my Dad recieved a phone call from my aunt (his sister) who was already living in California. Well, phone goes to me as well - I was handed the phone...

Aunt: (After blah blah) Danny! Have you thought about coming to visit us?
Daniel: Sure, that sounds like a good idea. I want to go.
Aunt: Great! Get your Passport, Visa and we shall have you here in no time. We really miss you
Daniel: I miss you as well. (Click)

... and so I was reborn.

It didn't look like much at the time, but next day I had a realization. I realize if I could just go away for a couple of months, then the gangsters will probably forget about me, I would hang out with my cousin who I hadn't seen in so long, I will be in the United States, I will also be forgiven for my bad grades and so on. Yes! This is exactly what I needed. What a great thing to say "yes" was for me. Things happened very fast, before I knew it I already had my Passport and Visa and I left the country on October 31 and landed on LAX on November 1.

Prior to my departure, I tried to make up for my mistakes in the last couple of weeks. I started studying, I didn't party, I didn't drink, I got closer again to my real friends and left those bad friends behind. They didn't care either. When they found out I was leaving to the United States, they condemned me, rather than encouraging me. It was in this moment that I learned to recognize real friendship. These friends (school mostly) threw me a "Good Bye" Party the same night I left the city. They were there, they talked to me, they shared with me things that never had been told. Two girls even confessed that they loved me - it was too late to even kiss, though. They cried, my mom cried but I couldn't cry. To this day, I ask myself why I couldn't cry that night - it's one thing that still bugs me to date. The closest answer is that perhaps in my little mind I had no idea I would stay here but they knew I would. Is it possible that I was that blind? Possibly yes.

This is not what I was thinking

If you never been to another country, go to one. I haven't traveled as much but I certainly been to places and have the chances to appreciate the difference and similarities between some cultures. You also get to realize that what you think of a country may be far different from it actually is. When I was on my way here, I thought all the women would look like models (I was quite excited about that), but rather than finding that I found a bunch of people that looked like the people in Peru and also dudes who were 6'3, overweight and would use their car instead of walking even if the place they went to was three blocks away. In any case, I was in new territory and I had to get to know it.

Self-Reflections

Only a week here and my aunt had already said "Why don't we go tomorrow to sign you up for school?". Apparently she liked me. Almost in a robotic voice I said "Okay". Within a month I was already in school and without waking up, I was setting myself to stay here for much longer than what I had planned. When the day came to say if I wanted my ticket back, I said "No, I'll stay". And I'm glad I have made that decision, although it wasn't easy to carry out with it.

It wasn't easy not being at home. It wasn't easy at all. Upon that first year here, I made a lot of reflection. I kept thinking about the night I left the city and those crying souls I had to put on my shoulder and why I couldn't cry. I kept thinking about it. I thought about the gangsters and whether or not they were still looking for me, I began to miss the food made by my Mom. I began to miss my house, my little brother, my big brother, my dad, my dog. I became weak as I realized I missed my family so much, I would cry night after night simply because I missed them that much.

I didn't say anything though, I didn't mention a word. I kept it all to myself. I didn't share anything with anyone. When people asked me about it, I pretended it didn't affect me. I guess I was just too proud to admit I was hurting. In any case, this had bad sides effect to it, I became fake-angry. In my ignorant and mediocric attempt to show strength I begin to scream and hit things just so that I wouldn't seem weak. When something reminded me of how lonely I was, I acted arrogantly rather than admitting the truth. This happened for a while until I eventually snapped out of it and began making friends, playing sports and live a better life. I think it started with an observation this guy made, he told me "I know what it feels like. You're in pain, you just don't tell anyone. It's alright, man". I just nodded to this, but it was absolutely true. I think that subconsciously I had gotten the message... "I wasn't alone in my feeling". I did a lot of thinking and took little action. At least, I was thinking I told myself (As I write this, I think of many great minds who keep telling themselves they have to take action and grow up but never do - it saddens me because it's a waste) but soon a radical change came upon (which will be discussed TOMORROW!)

Anyway, a lot of things have happened since then - from girlfriends, finances and growth - today I stand here having goals to change the world, something that I didn't myself doing a couple of years ago. This goes to show how much difference a couple of years can make. This is why I believe in change and why I write and preach about it every single day, because I lived it - I believe it.

A word for You

I'm not praying that I have gone through hell and back but I have certainly learned a lot of stuff and I consider my saying to have a weight. The other day, I replied to someone's statement - about him warning people that Pick Up was painful - with "You have a lot more growth to do" and the response I got from that person was not good at all. He thought I was diminishing his behavior, but in reality I was showing him there is more to life that what he had in front of him. A person who went through pain, but hasn't learned from it hasn't grown up much.

If you choose to read from me, I don't invite you to take my word from granted, but I certainly invite you to analyze it and compare it to your personal life. This is me, this is my mind and soul put in paper (or on a screen) rather. I once happened to be in my college's bookstore and picked up a journal that had "I don't write because I want to say something. I write because I have something to say" written on the cover. I wanted to pay it, but I didn't have the money. Today, I'm wishing that journal is still available for me to buy. In short, I have decided to inspire others with my writing and preaching, that is my way of changing the world.

TOMORROW YOU WILL READ THE FIRST PART ON THE RULES OF LIFE

[rarebreed]

I have to agree with you on some parts of your post and disagree with you on others.

It's too bad you're an aethiest or else I would recommend a book called "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I'd still recommend it, though. To anyone and everyone.

[JerZ]

I could relate to your post, although I don't agree with most of it. I was also a "devout catholic" turned atheist, then went back to believing in God again. I think most people just go through a rebellious phase in their lives and then eventually find their way back to the right path again. It happened to me too.

But really, my life doesn't revolve around God. My purpose in living is to find my best self, and be my best self in order to ultimately find that one person I can share my life with. That's what this whole pick-up thing has helped me realize.

[Daniel_B]

Rarebreed, I was actually about to read that book.
My friend (a devoted Christian) was going to hand it over to me but it got stolen when his car was stolen. They stole his radio and that book ^_^

I accept you guys' disagreement, it's after all a personal point of view. Thanks for actually reading the entire thing.

[Rewok]

Deeeeeeeep shit man.