Steady Progress without the Ego pains

[Scribe]

Hey guys, for the year or so I been putting a fairly steady progress in improving my skills with women, but it's been a constant battle with my ego.

A year from the workshop, I felt like I made progress and I have gone a long way. But I wasn't completely happy with my progress, I always felt like other people were doing more and I wasn't getting as much LRs regularly as the other people.

Some guy told me recently to do 5 approaches a day for at least 5 days, some told me I should do alot more than that, perhaps if I'm in a grand mood that day and somehow all my approaches go well I can pull it off for one day, but I realistically cannot do that on a constant basis.

And sometimes I haven't practiced for a while and I get rejected or feel a bit shy again, I kill myself that I should be doing a lot better. It wasn't too great that I recently got transfered and now living the dorm life that I found myself in a new environment with no close friends and felt that I needed to get girls to be happy.

Then I didn't see the extreme results I was expecting and got a little down. I felt depressed for weeks.

Since then I found a close friend and it's gotten alot better, we are both photographers, love ping pong, are gym buddies, and love urban exploration. Its great that I found a close friend again and someone reliable to spend time with.

I do want to ask a question though, How do you make steady and healthy progress without your ego constantly telling you to better yourself and comparing yourself to others?

What should I be telling myself if I pussy out on an approach in the future?

I mean if this is about self improvement, isn't it being happy with the progress you made? And not pushing yourself and pushing yourself and never looking back to be happy with what you've done. Where is that balance of being happy and still improving?

I'll like to see what you guys think of this, I never saw a thread on ego and progress before.

[funkyrhino]

Originally Posted by Scribe

Hey guys, for the year or so I been putting a fairly steady progress in improving my skills with women, but it's been a constant battle with my ego.

A year from the workshop, I felt like I made progress and I have gone a long way. But I wasn't completely happy with my progress, I always felt like other people were doing more and I wasn't getting as much LRs regularly as the other people.

Some guy told me recently to do 5 approaches a day for at least 5 days, some told me I should do alot more than that, perhaps if I'm in a grand mood that day and somehow all my approaches go well I can pull it off for one day, but I realistically cannot do that on a constant basis.

And sometimes I haven't practiced for a while and I get rejected or feel a bit shy again, I kill myself that I should be doing a lot better. It wasn't too great that I recently got transfered and now living the dorm life that I found myself in a new environment with no close friends and felt that I needed to get girls to be happy.

Then I didn't see the extreme results I was expecting and got a little down. I felt depressed for weeks.

Since then I found a close friend and it's gotten alot better, we are both photographers, love ping pong, are gym buddies, and love urban exploration. Its great that I found a close friend again and someone reliable to spend time with.

I do want to ask a question though, How do you make steady and healthy progress without your ego constantly telling you to better yourself and comparing yourself to others?

What should I be telling myself if I pussy out on an approach in the future?

I mean if this is about self improvement, isn't it being happy with the progress you made? And not pushing yourself and pushing yourself and never looking back to be happy with what you've done. Where is that balance of being happy and still improving?

I'll like to see what you guys think of this, I never saw a thread on ego and progress before.

You need not compare yourself to anyone else out there. And 5 approaches
a day isn't going to do anything for you because that's not your problem. You're problem is in your head. Sounds like you have too much talk going
on questioning the validity and /or congruence of the man you're trying to
project on to women.

Also about wussing out on approaches that just happens. Happens to everyone. Happens to me almost every day backed by some internal justification: "aw she wasn't that cute, ehhh I don't feel like it"
It happens because we are motivated to make in impact.

If there was zero motivation to make an impact there would be no anxiety during the approach but because we are looking for a specific outcome self doubt
has a tendency to make us somewhat passive. If you were just asking for the time you would have no anxiety about it.
But honestly how scary is it? Because as soon as a woman rejects you it's
out of her mind within 10 seconds but it stays in yours for minutes or longer.
As soon as she rejects you she forgets about it, turns and continues talking
to her friend or whatever but you fade from her existence within seconds. So
remember that. It would be different if everyone including her turned to you
and just laughed for an hour continuously. But that's not what happens.
Focus on your body language - once physical confidence has been established
everything else just takes over and it becomes projected throughout yet if it's just in your head and
things don't hook then you lose your sense of confidence.

[Running wolf]

yo Scribe, lately I been having the same thoughts as you on this.....oh yea, I like what funkyrhino say about this.

[ITotem]

Don’t give up. Keep going. There is always a chance that you will stumble onto something terrific. I have never heard of anyone stumbling over anything while sitting down.
– Ann Landers

This quote summarizes for me what you should remember when you try to approach and experience some anxiety. To me, there're 2 real reasons I make an approach:
1. a sense of curiosity. I wonder what this person is like
2. a desire to give. I want to bring more joy, fun, pleasure to this person.

If I don't have one of the 2, I usually don't approach.

As far as comparing myself to others, I don't. You want to learn to accept yourself the way you are with both strengths and weaknesses and progress at your own pace. The reasons one gets faster progress that the other is because they found a way to focus on the RIGHT thing. Do you know exactly what you want... and I'm not talking about how many women you want to date. I am talking about the kind of interactions/relationships you want to have. What's your purpose in talking to someone? Are you trying to find something unique about that person? Are you trying to get her to be comfortable with you on a deep level? Are you trying to enlighten her in something?

Steady progress comes from you slowly pushing your boundaries and going out of your comfort zone. Some people are good at pushing their boundaries everyday and doing it for every approach they make. Some people like to push their boundaries a little bit then rest... and push again later with the same person. It's up to you to define how far and how fast you want to go.

In the end, it's all about you. The reason I don't really compare myself to others is because I know my true value is not based on how other people perceive me. Is THAT guy better than me because he can sleep with 5 new girls a week when i can only do 3 approaches? No... my value is based on what I feel is important in my life and what I have to offer to the people around me. Believe in your own attractiveness

I kind of describe that in my approach anxiety post in my blog. Maybe that will help.

[Scribe]

Whoa, jeez. This is the most profound realization after reading what you guys said that I had so far. Thanks so much... wow, wow...

Oh and Khiem, thanks so much for that. Self acceptance is paramount before you give happiness to other people. Thank you, I have to reread my old post on AA ;p