Approach Anxiety

[A.J.]

I know this is the oldest sticking point in the book, but I can't seem to approach. I try to push the fear away but it doesn't work. Does anybody have tips on how to get past this?

[Roulette]

No worries man. There are a few ways to deal with this actually.

1. Have no agenda. Go up to her with the soul intention of finding something special about her. If she rejects you, look at her like shes retarded and say something like "I was just being social. Have a nice night/day".

2. Pretend she rips the heads off chickens... or something equally disguesting.


Kudos,
Roulette

[raki™]

Originally Posted by A.J.

I know this is the oldest sticking point in the book, but I can't seem to approach. I try to push the fear away but it doesn't work. Does anybody have tips on how to get past this?

Originally Posted by A.J.

I know this is the oldest sticking point in the book, but I can't seem to approach. I try to push the fear away but it doesn't work. Does anybody have tips on how to get past this?

..this might not make sense. But you will find your answer by actually approaching. Don't waste your energy trying to push that fear away, use that energy to push youself to approach instead.

I've been in the community for quite sometime, had some success here and there, when i did have the confidence to walk up to the ladies. But i want to be able to do it consistently. Bars are easier i think, it's a place to socialize after all. So i wanted to take it up a notch. Daygame at the mall. I'm thinking, if i can have it down pat at the Mall during Daytime, i wouldn't have problems in the bar. Whether that's true or not, i can already see the effects on myself. I can approach almost anyone at the mall now.


this is a repost from our lair list from last month. And I'm doing better now. Hope this helps..

I agree, this is not OT. This is inner game.. having that impenetrable, unshakeable way of walking though life, that you choose whatever it is that you let into you. He was talking about Action-Reaction, 90-10 rule in his 7 Habits Seminar, he briefly touched this subject, i don't remember if this is one of the 'habits'.

90-10 Rule is not new.. you control 10% of things, the percentage is arbitrary.. it simply means that there are things you just can't control, but you can control your reaction to them. This is what Instinct refers to as 'Locus of Control' he read off from a book, and just recently, I read it from 'Mind OS' too, referring to it as the "Personal Boundary'. Even Rougue of X-men told Bishop, while stranded on a Shiar ship, "You can't change your past, but you can change what you feel about them", well something like that, (and it's somewhat related).. Richard Bach's 'Illussions' advocates that people and event gravitates towards you because you 'want' them. Paulo Coelho's Alchemist says that the world conspires for you to achieve your Personal Legend by following 'omens'.. i could go on..

...in a nutshell, this means you have the CHOICE how to react and it's you CHOICE what to allow to 'get into you'. It's you DECISION. If you feel bad it's your decision. Your personal boundary has been breached and it was your choice.

To make this On-Topic. Let's apply this to PU.

We always hear about 'state'.. yesterday.. i was in state (i thought i was), I was waiting for Charm, then these 2 HB9's (yeah 9's) stopped beside me and talked on the phone to avoid the mass of people passing by. I wanted to open, but I can't, my heart was beating inside my chest like a wild monkey in a cage. They left. I thought to myself "Damn!! Is this how it's gonna be today?!" I was out of state.

I was in the 'NOW', but I was thinking of the 'FUTURE'. What if I crash and Burn?! What if they laugh at me?! What if.. what if!! I was looking too far ahead.. I was there, they were there.. i want them.. i should've opened. It was my DECISION, i felt bad about my decision of taking NO ACTION.. it's only with making decision that one feels truly alive. Either bad or good decision.. pain and pleasure makes us feel alive.. and NO ACTION is DEAD... moving along..

I don't remember how many sets Charm opened.. but while walking, he stopped.. faced me and i thought he was talking about a set we already passed by, then these 2set of 6ft+ ladies walked by and they looked real nice from behind.. they were walking like models.. we were there watching them.. my AA kicked in.. 1 sec.. 2 sec.. 3 sec.. 10 sec.. 15.. sec.. they were so far by now.. I don't know what went inside my head, i just thought I'd do it.. I RAN towards them!! hahaha!

Caught up with them and I crashed and Burned!!

I felt very relieved while I was walking back towards Charm.. I was laughing.. I WAS ALIVE!! That was my reaction to the Crash and Burn.

Thinking back on it. It was a CONSTRUCTIVE decision. making decisions makes a person feels ALIVE.. i felt alive. This 'life' fueled my self-esteem and self confidence which are within my personal boundary.. that excludes things that are not within my control, in this example.. the 2HB's reaction to me approaching them.. it's something that I can't control, and mulling over the Crash and Burn wastes energy that should instead be directed to those that are within... and that's 'ME', the way i think, the way I feel, the way i react and the way I look at it are all within my control. And here's where the "people and event gravitates towards you because you 'want' them" and "the world conspires for you to achieve your Personal Legend".. moving on..

After that crash an burn.. we smoked outside. went back in. Charm approached sets.. then on the way up on an escalator, i saw someone i like donwstairs! I told Charm "There! If I will crash and burn, might as well Crash and Burn from the real hot ones! hahaha!". I thought she was gonna take the escalator too.. she didn't, and went walking out of my view.. i went down.. went to the direction she walked to.. can't see her.. then we came to a fork.. where did she go? Charm told me "You can approach her (pointing left) or her, on green shirt (pointing right).. both of them walking away.. I chose the green.. I lost the one i like.. i ran again!! hahaha!

..and here is where i discovered something else. It's known that being a PUA needs COMMITMENT as is anything else. And when you go out there thinking "I'm comitting to this" then back out on the Approach.. let them pass by.. and later run up to them.. and by the time you catch up.. you no longer have AA.. haha! it's a joke but it works.. haha!. And dont put any weight into how beautiful they are, CONSIDER THEM BLANK. They might have the potential to be a 9, they look like 9, but are they really 9? When i ran up to the girl on green shirt, i didn't know what she looked like.. poor eyesight, yeah.. She doesn't know me, I do not know her.. our appraisal of each other are at the shallowest level.. you're on the road upfront a nice gate.. you knock, nobody opened the gate.. nothing lost.. just the minimal effort to knock... it's not like you expected to live there! NEXT!.. ü

So i caught up to her and introduced myself.. another Crash and Burn.. but she was smiling as she left and so was I..

...i pushed through my comfort zone. Nice Decision..ü And back to the 90/10 analogy.. i had my 10% well covered..

..oh and you might want to check out Mind OS. the title sounds corny but it's real good book, it might help.

[Running wolf]

Raki,

I like what you have to say about this topic, Interesting.

-RW

[raki™]

..the ideas still quite a mess, still needs some refining. I'm testing how good it holds in the field. Sarged the mall again the other day and so far, it ain't braking down.

approached sets and they all (except the ones when the shops were closing, and eveyone seems to be in a hurry) engaged and had good conversations with the sets. I think we call it "hook".

..number closed a 21 y.o) HalfGerman (it was actually her mom that number closed me, but that's another story) which me and my pals agreed as an HB9. I wouldn't have had the guts to approach her in a setting like that a month ago.

[theSaint]

go to a strip club and talk to girls there. it will be a lot easy to do it in the field after you do that. it work for me, way before I know about the comunity.

[raki™]

Originally Posted by theSaint

go to a strip club and talk to girls there. it will be a lot easy to do it in the field after you do that. it work for me, way before I know about the comunity.

..How would that help? I just wanna know.. maybe the idea behind this suggestion can be applied not just to stripclubs.. i don't go to stripclubs..

[ITotem]

I will agree with most people on here in the sense that you need to focus on the NOW... and not on the potential reactions from girls. What do you want to do, and do it. Do not overthink.

For A.J., the best way for you to get over approach anxiety (beyond just doing it over and over again) is to handle WHY you are approaching. Your focus/intent when approaching someone is to GIVE.

Read that again, you are approaching that person to GIVE them something.

You are going to ask me, but what am I giving them? It doesn't matter what you are going to give them. You can give them a compliment, you can give them more fun, you can give them yourself, you can give them a good conversation, you can give them an observation of your surroundings, you can give them your sexual mastery.

If you think of GIVING to that person, your brain stops thinking about blocking your action/approach. When you give, you have no fear of rejection, no fear of being judged. That's why most people get approach anxiety. They are nervous about the kind of reaction/judgment the other person is going to have.

If I'm about to give you a gift, do I really care if you take my gift or not? Do I really care if you like me or not? I'm giving you something of value, just take it.

I also have a post on approach anxiety on my blog if you are interested in reading more.

[raki™]

..just approach. Just do it.

[MaxPower]

My First post !

^^^ITotem, I really like what you said above about giving, thats an amazing context to holed.

As far as anxiety and fear, YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY.
When i was younger it crushed me to find that out for the first time. But when I accepted it something else became possible. For me that was "the way I feel has nothing to do with who I am being in any given moment and has no effect on what i can or can not do."

How do we translate this into producing results around meeting women.
Ask your self what would I be like if I was approaching/meeting/connecting

For me its, I am : Fun, related, self assured and vulnerable

Say it to you self " I am Fun, Related, self assured and vulnerable"

Add this to the context ITotem created and it will super sceed the way you feel and what will occur is the experience will become consistent with who you are being.

I hope this isnt going over your heads or the language is to bastardized to understand

[upside]

Originally Posted by A.J.

I know this is the oldest sticking point in the book, but I can't seem to approach. I try to push the fear away but it doesn't work. Does anybody have tips on how to get past this?

Totally normal, nothing wrong with you bro.

I am hella weird. Sometimes I do it and sometimes I just won't. I've been thinking about it and the times I do it have been when I really really wanted to.

I look at her ass and boobs and hands and I let myself feel those feelings of wanting them. I'm thinking how do I get there instead of reasons of not doing it. Before I knew what was going on I was walking up to talk to them and I was thinking "uhhh what the hell are you doing?" Before I know it, I am in a conversation. I really think if you think along those lines, it will help you longterm with your approach anxiety.

So yeah, the just do it stuff advice is right BUT what do you want? Really think about it. Go for what you want bro!

[Optimus_Prime]

Originally Posted by A.J.

I know this is the oldest sticking point in the book, but I can't seem to approach. I try to push the fear away but it doesn't work. Does anybody have tips on how to get past this?

One thing I still do all the time is just say :
"Hi, hows it going"
to people I pass/meet on the street/elevator/coffee shop/etc..

The frame is "I'm a friendly muthaF#kr."

Hope this helps.

[raki™]

...short and err.. interesting read. Apparently the guy found that munching on walnuts 'cured his AA. Funny shit.

approach anxiety disappeared after i ate WALNUTS, - The Venusian Arts Forum

[Mr Grivver]

Another thing not to be overlooked on this topic is that the 1st approach of the night is scary and hard, and then it gets MUCH easier!

We want to approach, but fear stops us. If we find a way of breaking through and doing it, we get a reward. We get a jump in our physiology, and we also feel pride in ourselves for confronting a fear - there's definitely a masculine rush in there. Even if it doesn't go great, the improvement in state from acting alongside your natural desires should be enough that the next one doesn't seem so scary.

[Gabler]

The guy is probably allergic to nuts..