Assuming Attraction

[Ebbi]

Hey guys,
I'm sure everyone here believes that attraction is assumed and that looking out for pre-determined IOIs is generally a waste of time. Great! Every time I'm talking to a girl I keep telling myself "She's attracted to me. She wants me. She wants my c**k in her mouth. She wants to rape me" etc. and find myself more relaxed and I have better interactions overall. Of course, sometimes this doesn't go so well. What are the outward manifestations of this "assumed attraction" mindset? What differences in body language, behaviours and actions should there be? I only ask so I know what to look out for when I'm not fully assuming attraction, so I can act on it and change my behaviour appropriately. Your insights would be useful guys. Thanks a lot. Best,
Ebbi

[strider_223]

Hey,

I've never heard of anyone doing that kind of self-talk before, but if it works to put you in the mindset of assuming she's attracted, keep doing it.

Generally, to put myself in that mindset, I take her every gesture and action as an IOI. Anytime she's talking to me, glancing at me, brushing her hair, or even standing near me are all indications that she wants me.

When you assume attraction, the first thing that happens is your fear goes away... mostly. Secondly, you explain all of her behavior based on that assumption. Why is she acting nervous? Because she wants me! (as opposed to, she thinks I'm wierd, she wants me to leave, or whatever other negative crap) Why is she asking about my job, or my girlfriend, or my life; why is she telling me this, or doing that, or giving me that look? Because she wants me!

All your actions become smoother and more confident, because in your own mind, YOU are now the prize of the interaction. You are being pursued, not her. Now all she has to do is work to get you....

-- strider_223

[Vin DiCarlo]

Assuming attraction is less about self talk and affirmations and more about an internal state.

The question is this - if you are consciously telling yourself something, do you really feel as if it's true? Do you really feel it?

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I'd guess the answer is most likely no, and the old theory that if you do enough affirmations it becomes true isn't valid.

Personally I find that if I try to do affirmations on any significant time scale only one thing happens... they get boring.

And in fact the only reason why the ever work at all is through the placebo effect - you believe they are helping.

So, if you are not yet disgusted at my response that has carelessly innoculated and dismantled a placebo you have used in the past with marginal success, then read on for something even better...

Society has suffered widespread brainwashing.

We are brainwashed to believe that attraction is important and necessary.

It doesn't matter if she's attracted to you, or if she wants you, or if she wants to rape you or whatever.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

Why? Because even if that stuff is true (and most of the time it is, read any book by Nancy Friday) she is conditioned NOT to act on it.

And because of the sheer volume of social programming, this whole thing has become a process.

In other words, her attraction to you is a state that is caused by a process which you create.

That is why we "asssume attraction."

Because there are basically 2 ways to go about it.

I could give you a list of waypoints and techniques you could use to reach those waypoints.

Or, realizing that most of those techniques are built upon the assumption that either she IS attracted to you, or that attraction doesn't matter, one of the things you can teach a person to do is assume attraction.

And the way that you do that is not through self talk but through the interpretation and misinterpretation of real life events, such that the perception is skewed in your favor.

And this requires two things:

• Lot's of practice in the real world
• Some real creativity

So let's do some examples:

Let's say you approach a woman who is seated at a table. She's sitting alone, reading a book and you approach in a relaxed manner and ask her "Is that seat available?"

Of course, unless she's waiting for a friend, she is going to answer in the affirmative in which case you proceed to sit down and continute your pick-up.

You have ASSUMED that her answer of "yes" is actually an invitation and expression of her interest in continuing to talk to you.

In other words you are not waiting for permission, or waiting for "signs" she is attracted. You assumed it.

Another example.

You begin gaming two girls in the club. You hit them with an intrigue generating line like "I see girls like you all the time in my work...".

Very quickly they will ask you "What do you do?" or "Girls like us? Like what?" At this point you lead them to a nearby couch while beginning to tell them a story that may or may not actually answer their question.

You have interpreted their question (that you generated through masterful understanding of intrigue generation and stimulus / response behaviors) as an attempt to get to know you further.

When you act on this and sit down with them on the couch, they begin to believe that which you assume.

Vin

[walnuts]

Great post, as it is with all of your posts. Your posts have been really helpful.

Actually, I have a few thoughts about using affirmations. I've done a little research on them. Pat Carrington has something called the "choices" version of affirmations. She's actually from the EFT community, but she came up with the idea of using the "choices" version of affirmations.

There is the traditional version of affirmations where you say something like, "I am a millionaire." The problem with the traditional version of affirmations is that they don't feel to be true, and because of that, the traditional affirmations usually don't work.

But there is something called the "choices" version of affirmations. The "choices" version would be something like, "I choose to be a millionaire" instead of the traditional version of "I am a millionaire." The "choices" version bypasses any feelings of objection that you have, so it will work much more effectively than the traditional version. It will feel to be more true.

So the format of the "choices" affirmation is to simply add "I choose" in front of your affirmation, and then you will have the "choices" version of it.

[Ebbi]

Thanks very much guys. Vin, your post has clarified everything for me. I now understand exactly what attraction assumption means now. Cheers,
Ebbi

[Scribe]

Ahh, this is what inner game is all about.

How does one practice getting unfazed to a girl's reaction? Does it come from sheer practice or internal beliefs (actually having an interesting life) that you have to change on the fly?

I am very comfortable approaching on the train, but once I hit a different environment like the cafeteria or coffee shop I still do stall.

Still pushing it everyday.

JC

[ITotem]

JC,

It comes from both sheer practice and changing your internal beliefs. How about you use a little different kind of self-talk when you talk to girls? Instead of using something like: oh no, she might not like me, try something like: Hmmm I wonder how this girl is like? Or... Yummy, let's see what this girl is about?

This kind of self-talk will help you get the right attitude when you start talking to her, and when she starts testing you.

[Insanity]

Yo jc, whats goin on man?

anyway it comes from practice, as in reference experience , building resistance to social pressure and with every event realising more n more that it doesnt matter at all, its meaningless and a construct in your mind.
like your still alive, nothings changed, you can handle it.. etc etc.

Alot of it comes from exposing to social pressure and processing it properly/productively.
And positive experiences. Its a form of exposure , and desensitation.

Plus from rewiring your internal processes.
the way you process the world and the event, and your believes about it.

now im reading back what ive written and im thinking i havent really said anything. Id love to give you some kind of magic pill stuff.. but this innergame thing is just a long complicated story,

it has everything to do with how you process.
gotta run

ins

[Insanity]

the other thing about assuming attraction is..

alot of the time it'l be the fact that your assuming attraction that'l actually create the attraction.

The reality is alot of the time isften their will be no sorts of instant attraction.
I dont process this in my mind but it is the reality of things though.

In the beginning its often a battle of realities so to speak.
Its me believing im super valuable , sexy etc etc and that shes attracted to me.
And her believing whatever for example could be that im some random whatever guy(doesnt need to be negative), or weird guy or maybe even creepy..irrelevant.

Its often the subcommunications of me actually being unreactive towards what shes believing and trying to project on me. in the form of maybe communicating disapproval, breaking rapport with me etc etc.

Alot of the time its actually the whole fact of me being unreactive towards those frames she tries to put up that will actually formthe attraction in the first place.

if that makes sense, tried to put it real simple.
Thats the folly so to speak of indirect game models breaking down what creates attraction and gets you consciously focussing on those signs. Well its actually through, it is whats happening.
Its not productive to be focussing on in.
When behind the steering wheel you should be processing that shes attracted, you should be assuming attraction.
and from this will flow the actions that will go to create it. Its the believe.
With like MM you will go shes not giving me the iois shes not attracted i cant go to a3.
While in fact its the whole Believe that she is thatl actually get you the waypoints and get you to a3.

Sooo alot of the time it doesnt even happen in the beginning , she wasnt even attracted it was the fact that i believed she was attracted that would actually create the attraction.

isnt that a mindfuck?

i dont process this in my mind though, as far as im concearned every girl loves me or will love me as soon as she spends some time.
I do process the possibility of her not being attracted because i fucked up though.
Something i need to keep open because i have a tendency to sometimes come out completely uncalibrated, usually when ive bene inside my head thinking or something and i just need to acknowledge i made some mistakes that made me come across as unattractive. ie: im still attractive but i projected a poor image.

Just some random toughts
ins

[ITotem]

To get back on topic real quick, I think the power of assuming attraction is not so much that you believe the girl is attracted to you, it stems from the fact that it frees your mind from wanting to impress her.

[Scribe]

This is some eye opening stuff. Yeah, I thought when I first got involved with the community a little more than a year ago that taking a workshop would be the magic pill and I would get some action that weekend. I even brought a pack of condoms hoping to lose my virginity.

I lost it almost a year later and I am still trying in the process to work on my inner game. Itotem was right in his blog, being very young and relatively inexperienced in the world, the progress of this resocialization is much harder than if I had a little more under my belt and one year older (I can get into a bar next year legally).

In the past year, it wasn't approaching women at bars (I can't) or cold approaching women on the street every minute (not that either) that boosted my social skills and inner game the most, it was just being social everywhere and realizing that life is more to it than women and pickup.

Thanks for the thoughts guys, and this community, what a community, it's full of rubbish and occationally you find a gem or two. This forum is one of those rare gems.

Keep sharing wisdom kids,
JC

[Insanity]

Originally Posted by ITotem

To get back on topic real quick, I think the power of assuming attraction is not so much that you believe the girl is attracted to you, it stems from the fact that it frees your mind from wanting to impress her.

thats an awesome point itotem.
it stops you from all the weirdness that comes from reaction seeking and constantly monitoring her feedback/reactions.

it lets you be ''yourself''
awesome stuff...

[walnuts]

Originally Posted by Scribe

This is some eye opening stuff. Yeah, I thought when I first got involved with the community a little more than a year ago that taking a workshop would be the magic pill and I would get some action that weekend. I even brought a pack of condoms hoping to lose my virginity.

I lost it almost a year later and I am still trying in the process to work on my inner game. Itotem was right in his blog, being very young and relatively inexperienced in the world, the progress of this resocialization is much harder than if I had a little more under my belt and one year older (I can get into a bar next year legally).

In the past year, it wasn't approaching women at bars (I can't) or cold approaching women on the street every minute (not that either) that boosted my social skills and inner game the most, it was just being social everywhere and realizing that life is more to it than women and pickup.

Thanks for the thoughts guys, and this community, what a community, it's full of rubbish and occationally you find a gem or two. This forum is one of those rare gems.

Keep sharing wisdom kids,
JC

I'm still a virgin... damn it! I'm still working at it step by step.

I definitely agree with you that the learning curve is much greater if you're a virgin or if you start off as less experienced with women, and it takes longer to learn this stuff. Most of the guys in my area who have gotten good fast were able to do so because they had a good deal of experience with women beforehand.

But then again, I find that learning this stuff slowly makes you to be able to examine the finer or more specific details of the game and have a better understanding of the learning process. At the very least, it gives you the discipline of being able to work at something for a long time when no results seem to be showing at all and it forces you to be process-oriented, which I think is an important skill in life in order to be successful in anything.

[ailment73]

Here's one more reason to assume attraction. It's a scientific study about IOIs. The reseachers observed men and women who had never met before as they interacted for 10 minutes.

The results: women gave off positive courtship cues (such as hair flipping, chest thrusting and fidgeting with clothing) even when they were not into a guy. Even more frustrating, women gave off more negative courtship cues (arm and leg crossing) when they did like someone.

Is she sending mixed messages?

AILment73

PS. I found this link on Rion Williams' site The Secret to Natural Success with Women & Dating

[walnuts]

That's a really interesting article.

It reminds me of flash game where the girl responds really well but gives a flake number. Also, I remember this other time where the girl looked really nervous and I got the impression that she might not be interested. She wasn't used to talking to strangers and seemed very closed off. I got her number and thought it could be a fake number. It turned out it was a real number, I arranged a day 2 with her, and she showed up for the day 2. Pretty ironic.