The Definitive Sexual Tension

[Vin DiCarlo]

Sexual tension is paramount in any good pick-up.

It is the energy, or charge of the interaction. Its application is subtle, but powerful.

High sexual tension is necessary for speeding up escalation. It is how I can consistently bed women in 2-4 hours, and often in less than half an hour.
So what is sexual tension?

There are many different conceptualizations of sexual tension floating around in the seduction community.

Some examples of these are cocky bantering and flirting, explicit sexual interest paired with false barriers, using the word “sexy” to convey a sexual intent, and of course the old Speed Seduction route - complex language patterns intended to implant sexual thoughts in a woman’s mind.

Some of these techniques are better than others, and can definitely improve the quality and success of your pickups. I prefer a very pure definition of sexual tension because it is grounded in real sexual desire, and a very natural way of magnifying the tension felt by the woman.

Sexual tension is the presence of a controlled arousal state, in the absence of overt sexual interest.

When the time is right, I create sexual tension by focusing my sexual desire on my woman, but not making any overt sexual advances. I maintain intrigue, a sense of ambiguity, which keeps her focused on me, and directs her mind toward sexual thoughts. My state is transferred to her, and she is now aroused. It is then only a matter of handling logistics through leadership and compliance techniques.

Controlled Sexual Arousal State

There are two reasons why a sexually aroused state is so important. First, women love sex. A sexual man is valuable to a woman because he can give her pleasure. Women are attracted to men who are attracted to women.

The second reason is more subtle. There is a phenomenon I call “state-transfer.” Have you ever been in a bad mood, and a friend came by in a really great, excited mood?

Your mood probably changed, and you found yourself smiling and cheering up in spite of yourself.

How do you feel around someone when they are nervous?

You feel nervous too! Think of a time you were with a woman, say a girlfriend, and she was obviously very horny and sexually aroused, but you weren’t doing anything sexual. You probably got excited because she was excited. This is how humans hypnotize each other in every day life - we transfer our states to each other.

Can you see where this is going?

State transfer may occur on a metaphysical, psychic energy level. But more so, a state is transferred with non-verbal sub communication. When you are turned on, your voice subtly (or not so subtly) reflects your state, as do your facial expressions, eye contact, manner of touching, body language, and a million other little things to numerous to try to micromanage.

How to have a controlled arousal state

It’s not as simple as just being horny, although that’s part of it. State control is vital - if you are nervous or uncomfortable, you won’t be able to get sexually aroused. (State control is not only vital in seduction, but in life. It allows you to stay calm, generally happy, and more productive. In spiritual terms, it is sometimes called “staying centered” or having “peace of mind.”)

The best way to stay calm and comfortable in social situations is experience.

Socialize more, go out (sober), get experience talking to women.

Meditation, good diet, avoidance of harmful indulgences like drug use, television, internet (porn), and regular exercise all help.

You already know how to get aroused. During your interactions with women, simply focus on what she’d look like naked, or imagine having sex with her, or whatever fun little thoughts you want to entertain.

Creating Tension

The tension component is really an extension of the second level of the Attraction Hierarchy - Intrigue. Intrigue can be described in two ways. It can be seen as a lack of over-validating a woman, or getting her attention fixated on you by being ambiguous and holding back information.

These are flip sides of the same coin. Applied to sexual tension, we enter a sexual state, but don’t verbalize our desire.

If we did, she may like it, or not like it, but at now she knows where she stands - she is validated.

That isn’t bad, but it’s not optimal. She has you figured out, and knows you want her, which gives her the option of forgetting about you and focusing elsewhere. You are “solved.”

Another key point about verbalizing sexual interest is that it puts her in a position where she has to agree to it. She must consciously admit that this is leading to sex. Again, that’s not bad, but is not optimal, and sometimes can create a mental block in her mind for getting isolated with you.

Imagine sitting in a room with a closed treasure chest in front of you. Then you open it and find gold coins. When is the chest more interesting?

True, the gold coins are great, but there’s no longer a mystery. You can even forget about the gold coins for a while to go watch TV or call a friend, because those coins aren’t going anywhere.

But before you know what’s in there, that chest preoccupies your mind and keeps your attention.

This can be done with the following verbal techniques. We can amp up this tension by increasing ambiguity, i.e. intrigue, with the following techniques:

Charged vocabulary: throw in sexual/sensual terms like “thrust, hard, deep, wet, throbbing, tongue, pleasure, lick, touch, arouse, desire, etc.”

Double entendres: Talking about non-sexual topics, say things that would be highly sexual if taken out of context: “You come from a good place, deep inside, I can feel how open you are, you are a very open woman, you’re a fast girl, how you feel inside, you are very soft inside, let’s do it, come with me, etc.”

Sensually descriptive storytelling: Tell stories or describe experiences in very sensual terms, like “the water felt so cool on my skin, it felt really good to get all hot and sweaty playing volleyball, and then get all wet in the water, I love the smooth thick texture of vanilla milkshakes, when I work out I love to get all sweaty and really give it everything I have - I feel like a caveman throwing the weights around, etc.”

Incidental kino: As per the “DiCarlo Escalation Ladder,” spend more time on incidental kino, touching her for reasons other than just to touch her.

Overt kino: When you are touching her for the sake of touching, create ambiguity and get her all riled up by coming close to, but not actually touching, her sexual parts. Run your hand down her side, just missing her breasts. Rest your hand just above her butt. Stick your pinky finger just under the waist band of her pants. Lean in and smell her neck, but don’t kiss her. Playfully push her against a wall, and close in, then back off without an explanation.

Her attention is focused on you, as she gets aroused, thinking “did he mean to say that? did he mean to touch me? What’s going on? Is sex coming?” She gets really emotionally excited because of the ambiguity.

Considerations

As I teach in the Attraction Hierarchy, women vary on how much comfort they require before the vibe gets sexual.

We make women feel comfortable with Credibility - letting her know a) I am safe, b) I understand and share her worldview, c) I can improve her worldview and changer her reality through my guidance.

Some women want sexual tension right away, or they get bored. These women are usually very social and comfortable with their bodies - waitresses, dancers - but not always. Sometimes the shy ones are the freaks!

Most women need some level of comfort first. Talk to her like she’s a friend, stay calm, positive/accepting, and interested in her life. After some basic rapport is established, turn on your arousal state. If she clams up or gets uncomfortable, snap out of it and switch back to Credibility fast.

Also, don’t use any weird, sleazy tonality when you are aroused. Just keep a normal, masculine tonality, speak slowly, resonantly, and relaxed.

A ‘Natural’ Application

Many ‘naturals’ create this kind of sexual tension. These are the guys who seem to emanate masculine energy - a warm, powerful presence. This could be due to high testosterone levels, or sexual confidence.

They are never overtly sexual because they are not desperate - they are already getting laid. Also, they know that women love sex, and are bigger perverts than men!

Knowing this, they enjoy sexual innuendo and getting women all worked up. They smirk, knowing that underneath her cool act, her mind is spinning with all kinds of dirty scenarios. They know she attracted, and have fun building anticipation. Cultivate an appreciation and skill for building anticipation - it is the hallmark of all the great seducers of history.

After getting comfortable with some of the above techniques, and harnessing control of your sexual state, chunk it down and adopt a basic mindset like the following:

She is my little pet, and I’m gonna get her excited about the big prize I’m gonna give her later.

I amuse myself by getting women aroused. It’s fun to know she is thinking about sex with me.

I’m gonna see how sexual I can be with her without being obvious.

And remember, building intrigue and anticipation is not a task that you need to do with techniques. It is fun, women love it, and when you get the hang of it, you will too.

–
This article was co-authored by Vin and Brian

[ITotem]

Who is Brian?

[Brian]

I'm Brian

[ITotem]

So I'm curious, what makes you the Inner Game guy to go to, Brian? ;D I noticed you have an entire forum dedicated to you!

[Brian]

Hey ITotem...was trying to figure out what that name meant haha...

I'm not a self-help expert or anything...I just tend to focus more on my SELF, how I am thinking and growing, and in my experience, that has direct, real results in terms of pickup, and life (obviously). I think it's a major part of the game. So that's what I focus on, and I like to explore that aspect more so than specific techniques.

An interesting thing I've found is that I'll occassionally go on hiatus from going out and meeting women, but during that time, if I will learn something new about myself, or adjust how I think and perceive the world. When I go back to it, I'm actually BETTER than I was before, even though my "skillset" didn't really change. I've experienced this many times.

Another interesting thing I've found is that as I've become more centered emotionally, and developed a deeper understanding of the dynamic between the masculine and feminine, the quality of women in my life has improved dramatically. Not only that, but I'm able to handle female tests and emotions easier. Also, women that used to intimidate me because of their strength and confidence now turn me on becuase I don't feel threatened by them.

BTW I don't disagree with Dan or anyone else about the importance of sexual confidence, or having a strong structure to follow, or even having canned stuff ready. Quite the opposite - I think all are important and helpful.

Brian

[ITotem]

Brian,

I was just curious who you were since I haven't heard a lot about "IceWater" before. I'm sure you know what you are talking about, otherwise, Vin woudln't have picked you

I'm glad you take the time to focus on yourself. I think it's one of the most neglected aspect in the teachings from certain parts of the Community. I will agree with you that learning about yourself and adjusting the way you perceive the world sometimes makes your socializing skillset exponentially better. I did a lot of that last year myself

As far as the meaning of "ITotem," it's just a name I have held since my competitive online gaming days in Counter-Strike. I used to be called "Totem" but then, when I started using it for all my online profiles, that name was always already in use. As such, I just added an "I" in front to make my life easy. (Think of a native american introduction: "I, Totem!" in the similar fashion as: "I, Eagle Mountain")

I actually had a funny forum discussion on the Unofficial Charisma Arts Forums (I can't find the thread anymore) where people were also wondering the meaning. Because of the invention of the i-pod, they thought I was trying to emulate the wording: i-pod = i-totem? Someone even thought that "ITotem" was a different spelling for "I told'em" As you can imagine, none of these were accurate

I never even looked up the exact definition of totem before I took on the name either. I knew that totem poles were used in indian/mayan cultures but I was surprised to learn that a "Totem" is: An object, usually an animal or plant, revered by an individual or a particular social group. A group totem represents the bond of unity and is often considered the ancestor or brother of the group’s members; marriage between those of one totem is often prohibited as incest. The group’s symbol and protector, the totem may be pictured on the body or masks, or carved on totem poles.

It's just that simple

[Verneshot]

Originally Posted by ITotem

I actually had a funny forum discussion on the Unofficial Charisma Arts Forums (I can't find the thread anymore) where people were also wondering the meaning. Because of the invention of the i-pod, they thought I was trying to emulate the wording: i-pod = i-totem? Someone even thought that "ITotem" was a different spelling for "I told'em" As you can imagine, none of these were accurate

That reminds me of the possibility of people misinterpreting my name as "Verneshot - Verne's hot". For one, I'm not hot. The other thing is my name isn't even Verne - though my association to it has come to a point where if people forget my real name in the field (which happens all the time), they'll refer to me as Verne. As such, it's become my unofficial "field name".

Since we're on the (off)topic about what our names mean, a verneshot is a hypothetical volcanic eruption that propels an extremely large rock into sub-orbital trajectory. Fun factoid taken verbatim from Wikipedia.

Vin, your sexual tension technique reminds me of Gunwitch Method, specifically where he states that you must be in sexual state when you approach a woman. Now I'm curious, what's the difference between when you turn on the sexual state when "the time is right" as opposed to already being in sexual state once you approach?

[Vin DiCarlo]

Originally Posted by Verneshot

Vin, your sexual tension technique reminds me of Gunwitch Method, specifically where he states that you must be in sexual state when you approach a woman. Now I'm curious, what's the difference between when you turn on the sexual state when "the time is right" as opposed to already being in sexual state once you approach?

It's really a question of flexibility.

Sexual state on the approach is limited as it will only work on women who:

• Are by themselves
• Are already open to a sexual encounter
• Are in an environment where it's "ok" to respond in a sexual way

Sexual state will NOT be effective when her friends are around or if she is on a subway surrounded by lots of other people who she would not allow herself to be vulnerable around.

So, it is not much work to hold off on the sexual state until you can get her comfortable, relaxed and sitting down with you.

Sexual state for me usually coincides with Class 3 on the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder.

Vin

[bossyboots]

[quote=Vin DiCarlo;313][b][i]S
How do you feel around someone when they are nervous?

You feel nervous too!

I like to read books about the brain and I came upon something interesting in one of them that explains the science behind why and how nervousness is transferred from one person to the next.

If you’re nervous (afraid), it will be written all over your face. We have some direct control over our facial muscles but not much – most of what dominates our facial expressions is an involuntary and complex coordination determined by our emotional state, intentions, attention etc.

When we look at someone's face, the image goes from our eyes to our brain on two separate pathways. It travels to our cortex so we can 'think' about and interpret what we see, AND, it travels directly to the amygdala (emotional brain) which instantly interprets and affects our emotions accordingly.

The pathway to the amygdala (emotional) is faster than the one to the cortex (rational). And no message travels more quickly and directly than that of fear. When our amgydala perceives fear on someone’s face, our own fight or flight response kicks in before we’re even consciously aware of what we’re seeing.

The probable evolutionary basis of this is: If you were in a tribe thousands of years ago and you saw fear on one of your tribe member's faces, it would be more appropriate for you to simply inherit their fear so your fight or flight response could kick in immediately and you could run away or fight the threat. Otherwise, you'd be standing there thinking "wow, he looks sort of surprised and maybe a little afraid. I wonder what he's afraid about" as a lion springs on you and tears you to shreds.

So the equation is: see fear on someone's face = feel fear ourselves.

If you're signalling nervousness, she'll feel nervous. Even if she doesn’t think you’re a threat, the prospect of spending more time with you feeling nervous is enough for her to be turned off.

Of course...you still have to approach when you feel nervous. Scratch that: especially when you feel nervous. It diminishes over time. Otherwise, you'll never get through it.

I find it helpful to know the science behind these things.

Zach

[080910k]

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